A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 months now, she recently has broken it off with me, but still gives me signs that she doesnt want to leave.we moved in together after 2 months, she stayed with me while she looked for a place and eventually we both agreed we enjoyed living together. after 3 months we told eachother we loved eachother.... moved quick i know but we both felt the same way.she called me while i was working and she went out with the girls the night before. She said she needed time to figure somethings out between us. She said we were in her past she has rough relationships and she ways people always give up on trying to work things out. i convinced her to stay and for another week or so it was great she thanked me for not letting her run like usuall. The other day she broke it off with me, said it was committment issues and i tried to talk to her calmly about it, and then she revealed that she wants to keep her options open.....slap in the face to me (i know)i still have been trying to talk to her about it and it seems the more i talk about it she wants to get together, and suddenly she will get up and walk out of the room stating that she doesnt want to deal with her emotions. She uses my computer all the time so i have seen emails between to of her exes with future plans. she still lives at my house, we still sleep in the same bed, but she doesnt want to talk anymore. she sent me a message with a picture saying that it brought back crazy memories.i dont know what to do i am running of ideas to fight for her, and i dont want to loose her, and i may be an idiot or naieve but deep down i think she feels the same way. sorry for the long read. thanks for any advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): plus the first guy she was with they were together for a long time like 4 or 6 years, she told me that it was a bad relationnship and he treated her like crap. but he died in a motorcycle accident. she says that was the best thing that could have happened, i am sure this relates, but i dont know how
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): is there anyway to make her realize she needs to confront these issues? and if so how do i do that without seeming like a jerk?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 April 2008):
 I know coming on here, some are looking for a way to easily fix their situations. Some are much harder than others. To be honest with you, I believe you have one of the more difficult situations.
I don't believe what's going on has much to do with you or her ex's. It has much to do with herself, confusion, and fear. I don't see it so much as not wanting to deal with her emotions as I do her running away from them.
She may have some mental issues, which you may or may not have discussed. Past pains etc. Her seeking to keep her options open is the same as saying, "If I feel as if I might experience more pain here, I'll bail and go on to the next one."
The only way to really explain this is by an example: a boy and a girl date, she gets a chocolate cake for her birthday, at the end of which he dupms her without reason which causes her a lot of pain. A couple of years down the line, she begins dating again. They fall in love, she sees him as the one. On her birthday he bakes her a chocolate cake, identical to the one she had before. Her response is to break up with him, and move on. She does this because her pain is partially attached to the cake that was given to her prior. Even as simple as this relation may be, depending on the level of pain she had before, can trigger a flight response.
I wouldn't push her, but I believe she needs to confront what is causing these issues. Until she's able too, her ability to have a satisfying relationship will be crippled.
Good luck, and take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): forgot to add that she brags to her friends how wonderfull i am, how she is so lucky, and that i am so good to her. which just confuses me even more. and we have never had an argument per say, just these situations listed.
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