A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, Back in march I wrote a post in here " back and forth online argument and I don't think I should apologise"Basically it was an argument between me and my cousin after I wrote on my facebook about children being messier than dogs- a joke meant for my mate. Now my cousin got offended and started writing hurtful things about me on her status about people with no kids are lonly etc..... Well the arguement got worse- she continued and I didn't remove her as I thought it'd subside but it didn't. Her comments pissed me off more and more and I put nasty things on my wall too(childish I know)! Now she has blocked me - which I don't care for as it's done me a favour but what has angered me is my brother and mum ame me for the argument and want me to apologise! No way am I! She started it and blocked me!! She is also manipulative and her and my mum can't really stand eachother but my mum backs her up! Now I'm no saint and yes I did make nasty remarks but the truth is I'm NOT sorry and if I never see her again I wouldn't care. Harsh I know but it's true!Advice please x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): Hi, I wrote this question. I want to thank you all for your advice. I really do think facebook creates alot of problems.
I'm still angry at what's happened so I won't be apologising yet. Tish1 u made a valid point& thanks for writing what I could say.I'm going to take pieces of it & if the occasion arises I will use it,
Also what I have noticed (my mum is still her friend on fbook do she let me look at her profile) is that she has deleted all the comments she wrote about me! So pc course now she can deny everything.
If we do get past this I will tell her it's best we aren't friends on facebook as we have different sense of humours. I'd also love to tell her she is extremly paranoid& some stuff I wrote on their wasn't even about her!!! But I won't as that will start world war 3!
Thanks again guys. I just can't believe I have to turn to strangers for help when my own family doesn't side with me.
If it's ok with everyone I will keep you posted
xx
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 In rereading my note, I want to emphasize that I do NOT think you are stroppy, nasty or selfish--it is that the family may perceive you that way right now, depending on how Maybelline has played this.
I too am childless and I have to admit I prefer the company of my dog to some of the children I have encountered. He is much tidier and calmer. Well, most of the time. Well, other than the poo bit, and having to pick it up myself. I can tell you, from recent firsthand experience, that obtaining a urine sample from a dog is no picnic.
One more thing. I think you should delete all the status updates in which you were aiming a little subtly at Maybelline, and do it soon, preferably before you post anything new.
Okay, that's all I've got for you. I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 May 2010):
I realized I could just put the title you gave into the search bar, doh!
This thing has escalated to a family feud level now, hasn't it? And you posted nasty things on her wall? Oh brother.
Okay, look, if it were just the two of you having a spat in private, that's one thing. But you've made it public by posting on her wall and doing the dueling status update thing. You might have been right in the beginning but then you sank to her level. And now your family is involved and upset.
If it weren't for them, I'd tell you to ignore her and thank FB for the "block" button. But as it's starting to fester around the family, I think it's time to do something to prevent hurt feelings for years.
I realize that you don't ever see her and are unlikely to at this point. But other people in your family will, and you two will become a topic of conversation and possibly a sore spot. You will be made to look bad, and by extension, your mother will as well. She's going to be the one with the stroppy, nasty, selfish daughter.
So, at the risk of being shouted down, I would advise you to find a way to apologize for your escalation. You can do this in a way that makes her look small but you HAVE to be calm and sensible and do not allow yourself to get sucked into trading insults again. You have to learn to ignore stuff from insecure and jealous people. Given enough rope, they WILL hang themselves. They WILL look bad, you just have to give them enough time and YOU have to be the one who takes the high road.
So the wording of this thing is critical, because you have to acknowledge that you were less than grown up and mature about it, while at the same time, you can stick to your initial point that it was just a joke between mates and was then taken out of context. So let me see what I can come up with.
I can do a rough draft for you and then you can post it to your facebook status. Obviously, you can't tag her but she will hear about it soon enough.
It may be long enough that you have to do it as a note.
“It has become clear that it is time for apologies regarding the escalation of comments between Maybelline and myself. It began as a joke between me and my mate and somehow spiraled into a silly and increasingly ill-willed exchange between me and Maybelline. For any hurt feelings and distress I may have caused to Maybelline or her family, I apologize. I realize that being childless may seem somehow selfish to others, but it is a choice I have made and I am happy with, and by no means do I think that children are awful; I quite like them. I am part of a larger family with children and I think the world of my nieces and nephews! I wish them only the best! The initial comment was a joke, meant to be shared with me and my friend Jade. She and I had a good laugh because she said her child was messier than her dog. I jokingly concurred.
“I should have recognized that some people may have found it hurtful somehow. And then when hurt feelings obviously continued to fester, I should have recognized things were getting out of hand and just learned to ignore any barbs pointed at me. I should have taken the high road; I did not, and for that, I am truly sorry.
“This will be my last comment on the topic; I am going to move on from this, hoping that the apology is accepted and that ruffled feathers and hurt feelings are soothed enough so that family peace can be restored. I will not discuss this any further, to avoid any more hurt and upset than have already occurred. Thank you for reading and I wish you all well. May we enjoy a return to familial tranquility. I hope that you all recognize that I have a quirky sense of humour, and also that my default setting is one of goodwill toward others; please assume that if I ever put my foot in it again, that it’s some ghastly joke on my part, and certainly not intended ever to be a direct insult to anyone.”
Well, that’s a stab at it, anyway. Please notice that I use the passive tense a great deal and I avoid addressing Maybelline directly. I acknowledge that this may have been perceived as an insult to her family—her children specifically, and I try to lay it out that she owes you an apology as well, for the escalation.
Then you can blithely ignore her for the rest of your life. And you do not need to friend her on FB again. You can decline politely by saying, “Oh I think that would be a bad idea. My sense of humour and yours aren’t compatible, I think. We can keep in touch through our mutual family members.”
You have to watch your pride when there are others involved. Especially family. You don’t want to be the one everyone loves to hate, now, do you? If you don’t mind one bit, then by all means, ignore the whole thing I wrote; but remember that you’ve got your mother involved now too. Doh.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 May 2010):
I have an opinion forming on this one but I'd like the link to the other question before I write it. Thanks!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 Ah, now you see why we suggested you block her first... Show a zero tolerance attitude. As this as escalated to the next level, my advice is to rise above it. You sunk low and wrote hurtful things to your cousin. You should apologize for those things. If you honestly don't care about her, simply say you are sorry the situation went that far. Then never talk to her again.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 May 2010):
Tell the lot to go to hell and don't apologize. I remember your post, and I remember before that your cousin seemed to take it way too seriously anyway. Who cares what they think. No one, that's who. Stick to your guns.
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