A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need advice. I've been married for quite a few years, have a wonderful husband, and we have 3 kids. I never went to college before, we got married young, and I stayed at home with the kids. Now the youngest is in middle school, and I don't need to be at home all the time although I do make sure I'm home when they get home from school!Some time ago I told my husband I thought I should get a job to bring in more income, we don't need it, he has a very good job, but I can only stay home and clean, or go shopping/movies with friends so much. My husband suggested that I start going to college instead of just working some 'regular' job. Well, I've been in school for 2 years now, and a very uncomfortable situation just occurred and that's what I need help with.There is this guy (Mike) who is 28 and going to college part time while he works in construction (I'm 33, my husband is 34). Mike is good looking and has a very good body and always tan from working in construction. From day 1 in this one class I'm taking this semester Mike has made a point to sit right next to me in class. He's even asked someone to move so he can sit next to me. I didn't think anything of it, he just thinks I'm real smart and sometimes asks me for help in class, but he always makes sure to ask me to go out for a smoke on break, and I don't smoke, but to be one of the crowd, I do go outside on break to chat with him and others (never one on one). My husband says he's flirting with me, and does he know I'm married. I made it a big point about a month ago to mention my husband again and our kids to Mike. I don't think he was flirting, I think he just likes me and respects me because I do very well in this class. Mike missed a class 3 weeks ago, so something happened 2 weeks ago, we had no class last week due to Easter break. He asked me at break if he could copy my notes from the week he missed after class. I said sure, no problem. After class was over we went out to the parking lot, and he said we can go sit in his truck, it was kind of hot out, we've been having days in the high 70's here. We went out to his truck and sat in it, it is like my husbands truck, just one big front seat, not bucket type seats like my SUV. He opened the windows and I pulled out my notebook, and he got his noteboook.Since it was warm out, Mike was wearing shorts, a t-shirt, and flip-flops. He pulled off his flip-flops saying he liked to be barefoot. He then sat sideways with his back against the door, and put his feet up on the seat, almost touching my legs. I was a little uncomfortable, but didn't think anything of it. He started copying my notes, and after a little while said he was hot, should he turn on the AC, I said no, I'm fine, so he took off his shirt. I was really feeling strange now, being a married woman, there was nothing wrong with sitting in his truck while he copied my notes, but now he's shirtless, and has his bare feet touching my legs. I considered getting out of the truck, but I didn't want to be a big baby, after all nothing wrong was happening, and he wasn't saying anything inappropriate, I just felt weird and uncomfortable being in a truck with a man who was not my husband wearing nothing but shorts.I don't know when I noticed it, but he had his legs spread open a little, and his shorts were very loose khakis and I'm not sure if he wasn't wearing underwear, or if he was wearing very loose boxers, but I could see up the leg of his shorts, and I saw his 'stuff'. I was very innocent before my husband, I've seen other guys, but never slept with any but my husband. And since we've been married 14 years, I've never seen another mans penis or testicles since I've been with my husband. Part of me wanted to keep looking, and part of me was ashamed that I did look. Well, Mike noticed, and spread his legs a little more, pretending to stretch or move or something. I didn't know if I should say something or get out of the truck, so I just turned away and said are you almost done copying my notes? He made a really rude gesture and said don't you like what you see? I was really upset and just blurted out the first thing I could thing of, I said, it's nice but a little small. I then got out of the truck and stood outside and waited for him to finish copying my notes.I spent all last week of our Easter break dreading telling my husband, and never did. Now I'm dreading going to class this Thursday and seeing Mike again.What should I do? Should I tell my husband about the incident, that's all it is, I did nothing wrong (well, except for maybe looking a little too long). Should I not tell my husband? Should I confront Mike? Or should I just ignore him, and if he tries to sit next to me ask him to move? Or would that be acknowledging that it bothered me and he upset me. Or is that Ok to do? I don't want to make a huge fuss and have the whole class know I saw Mikes penis and testicles. I also am afraid that if I tell my husband, he will go beat up Mike. Mike is very built, but so is my husband. Help...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Thanks for the answers. I'm still dreading tomorrow when I go to that class with Mike. I've decided that it was no big deal and I'm not telling my husband unless Mike acts inappropriately again. I'm hoping that you are right that he will just avoid me from now on. I don't know how my husband would react, he might even be mad that I sat in Mikes truck, and now that I think about it, that was inappropriate for me to do, I should have said to sit in the cafeteria, or outside at a picnic table or something. But if Mike stays away, I'm just going to drop it and never mention it again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): I wouldnt tell your husband because it may cause a disaster and god knows what else.You need to stop been nice and trustfull around young guys that know that your are married and still decide to hit on you.they usually take your friendlyness and kindness as a flirt.next time you to share notes with someone fax em, send them by email,etc
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): There was this guy at work a few years younger than me that I couldn't tell if he was flirting with me or not (I was in a serious relationship and he knew that). We went outside to take a smoke break and he tried to kiss me but I pushed him away. He acted very awkward the next couple of weeks and then things went back to normal with no flirting. I didn't make a big deal of it and I didn't tell my boyfriend either, it worked out best that way. The guy never tried anything again and I didn't have to explain a lot of things to my boyfriend that were unnecessary like why I went outside alone with him and that sort of thing. I think I spared everyone embarrassment and paranoia by just keeping in to myself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Mike planned and made a pass at you, and crashed & burned big time. Emily's quite right -- chances are he's gonna feel sheepish and stay away from you. If he doesn't, you're a grown woman -- be direct, tell him he got the wrong impression, and to leave you alone. If he doesn't, your college will have rules on sexual harrassment.
A last thing -- once the dust has settled and the creep is out of your life, enjoy the compliment. ;)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 April 2009):
I think you can deal with this on your own to be honest.
You do not want excessive drama.
Mike is going to avoid you like the plague as no man is going to want to keep pushing a girl who called him "small."
Just remain civil and polite but avoid him and make sure you chat to other people.
As for your husband, don't lie, but just don't mention it. If he notices you no longer mention Mike then just say "yeah I think you might have been right, I caught him looking at me a bit funny so it could have been nothing but I didn't want to risk him getting a crush on me so I'm avoiding the poor guy a bit." Your tone should be one of pity for poor Mike, you are doing him a favour by stopping him getting any feelings for you.
If you husband gets annoyed, be impressed and tell him that Mike is hardly worth his time because he's a sad loser and not a big strong gorgeous wonderful amazing man like your husband. Then snog his face off and drag him to the bedroom.
None of this is your fault. You can't help being lovely and attractive to men, you didn't flirt or give him cause to think you were interested. Sitting in his truck while he copied notes was something anyone could have done. He just took advantage of the situation and used it to flash you... He's a bit creepy and you can handle that because you are a strong woman and you know what you want and it's not him!
Good Luck!! xx
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