A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I messed up terribly and lied to my boyfriend of a year and a half. He was at school on Thursday when my ex, whom I haven't spoken to in over a year. He told me that he was leaving for the army in August and he wanted to make ammends with everyone that he had hurt. (He screwed up the relationship.) Well, I told him that it was okay, and to come up. Like a moron, I told my boyfriend that I was doing something completely different. When my ex got there, we went downstairs in my gameroom to talk. To sum it up, he apologized for everything and I told him that none of it mattered now. He asked me if I just wanted to hang out for a little while then, and I said okay, so we just turned to watch the movie that was already on. He's a jerk, so he layed down and made himself comfortable on my couch. All of a sudden, my boyfriend comes down the steps, and turns right back up. I made my ex leave and ran up the steps after him to explain. It's been hell ever since. I didn't cheat on him, I never would, but he won't believe a word I say. I don't expect him to trust me right now. But he's making a bigger deal out of it than anyone ever should. He's avtually cheated on me early in the relationship, and he's lied to me repeatedly, but we worked through it. Now he's talking all kinds of nonsense like not wanting to go to college or anything. I need help. I have no idea what to do. I don't deserve his trust or his forgiveness, but I think I deserve for him to at least try. I messed up. Please help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the input.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): You did mess up. You should have never had ANY contact with an EX when you're in a committed relationship. While it's not cheating, it still is very wrong and upsetting to your new boyfriend, and he has every right to be very mad at you.
You should try and talk to him to explain that you made a mistake and should have just talked to the EX on the phone before he went off to the army. Even then, you would have owed it to your current boyfriend to tell him you talked to the EX. Seeing him in person was completely wrong. If nothing did happen, then you are only a little bit wrong, but you are at the mercy of your boyfriend. Reassure him that he is the guy for you, and the EX was just a closure talk, nothing more.
Hope for the best, good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI already did come clean about everything, it was the only thing I have ever lied to him about. And I know that it was wrong, and I know that I deserve for him to be jerk-like right now. But he makes it worse on himself every day. We get better, and we make a bit of progress and then all of a sudden he's more mad than he originally was. My main focus right now is getting him to believe that I didn't cheat and to assure him that nothing like this will ever happen again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): If you didn't think you were doing anything wrong, than you would have told the truth in the first place. I understand why you immediately lied, because you didn't know what to expect, and y'all were already dealing with some trust issues. I would say evaluate your relationship and ask yourself whether or not it is a healthy one. If not, come clean about everything and try to move on. If not, move on!
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