A
male
age
41-50,
*Gardner
writes:I am trying to discover why I am having such strong emotions about a breakup my wife and I had back in college. Today we are very happily married. We met in college and are now in our early 30s. When we met she was a freshman and I was a sophomore. She originally pursued me because I was different from guys she had known in high school, and for two years we were inseparable. She came from a good family and her parents did not like us being together given that they did not think I had financial prospects. She eventually listened to them and left me.I knew that we were meant to be together, and so I fought to get her back. After much time and effort on my part, she agreed to begin seeing me again. However, her parents insisted that she also date other men from our school and also friends of her family. This lasted for about six months after we got back together. This was a very hard time for me, going out with her on dates and courting her to win her back, but then knowing she was also dating other men.She remembers this as a wonderful time in her life during which she was able to enjoy the company of men romantically and in some cases very intimately (until that point we had only been with each other). It was very difficult for me during this period, hearing guys on campus and elsewhere brag about their time with her while I spent the night alone. I got past it, eventually won her back to me and we have now been married for 8 years. She is the light of my life and I love her dearly. However, I do not know why I am still so upset about the breakup. Why do I think about how she left me? Why am I still struggling with the fact that while she was pressured to break up with me, she chose to play the field and didn't often turn men down, while I fought to keep us together? How do I handle these feelings now that so much time has passed?
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 Jealousy is not something that goes away easily. But, a lot of people feel the need to live a bit when they're young. And the fact that you never experienced the same thing with anyone else probably makes you jealous. But the experience proved to her that none of those men lived up to you. And she only left you because of her parents, not through her own choice, you have to remember that. Also, when this happened, you were teenagers. You're not in your thirties. People change a lot since their teens.
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (28 May 2010):
 Maybe you need to accep that phase of your life may have contributed in no insignificant way to where you are right now. If the place you are right now is a happy place, isn't all that went before worth it? Maybe it taught you both to value each other, and so on and so forth.
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