A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have recently got a new job and long story short I noticed my other co-worker in my team gets 20k more (out salaries are visible because we work in hr and do the same job ) I must tell you I am trying to mind my own business but it bothers me - he comes in and acts unbothered even when we have big deadlines. He displays this “I don’t care what our managers says attitude I can only do what I can I’m not going above and beyond.” I am jealous because I try so hard I stay overtime and I fell am I not good enough? We’re the same age and I feel wow I don’t rank up to that. I also hear him talk about how much his wife makes and how their buying this fancy house in a gated community and I feel like a looser ( I work two jobs) to pay my student loans How Can I get over this? Is this man building up his ego and confidence by saying all of this? I am trying to mind my own business but he talks about these fancy things when in reality sometimes it doesn’t add up - he makes six figures and his wife makes supposedly more than that at 32 years old and they are living at his parents’ home.Not trying to downplay it but should I act like unbothered maybe I will get that salary? I know I shouldn’t pay attention but I’m trying to work on this jealousy For example two days ago I randomly asked oh what does your wife do and he goes oh she works for xyz firm and makes way more money than me- other days he will say oh we are still paying off this wedding I’m aggravated How Can I just I guess get over it - I am jealous because we are in the same team and I feel like a looser - his stories sometimes don’t add up and sometimes I think maybe he is insecure and sees I work so hard but I wanted to ask opinions.
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co-worker, confidence, insecure, jealous, money, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 November 2017):
 My advice is to keep your head down, work hard, and then pay attention to his faults. Be descreet. Then be sneaky and further down the line, suggest improvements to management that you know will reveal his shortcomings. Then, talk to your manager about equal pay for equal work. But wait about 6months in at least, and think up a good strategy to increase your salary.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 November 2017):
 He is what I call a "salesman" He is CONSTANTLY selling himself. It's like deflection tactics. Instead of people noticed how little he pulls his weight on the job he is waving his arms and going look at me, look at me!
Sure, he is trying to boost himself up. His wife is obviously the one with the bigger salary and probably higher trajectory on the career path, and while he ACTS proud of her (and possibly Is proud of her) he is also trying to puff his feathers out and look bigger than he is.
Paying off your student loans doesn't make you a loser.
Him making 20K more than you... well, again... Salesman. He SOLD himself BETTER than you did when negotiating his salary. I know a LOT of guys who were VERY good at this.
Keep doing your work and do it well, if you can avoid it.. don't pull HIS weight for him. which can be hard if everything is a team effort. Try and show your boss(es) that you DO go above and beyond and you DO work well and hard. but don't stay extra for "free" because this lout isn't pulling his weight. That will NOT help you.
He is talking big game basically to make himself feel better about himself. It's kind of like the pretty girl CONSTANTLY posting selfies on Instagram... For the attention to make her feel better about herself.
Let him boast. A little self-pride isn't a bad thing.
He doesn't DO it to make you or others feel bad or that you can't "compete". Life isn't a competition it's a journey. ENJOY it.
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