A
female
age
51-59,
*joojj
writes:HiNeed some advice on what to do. Me and my partner have been having trouble for the past two years. We had been together for 18 years and have an 17 year old son. Just after Christmas we had an heart to heart and he explained to me he was feeling depressed and his approaching 40th was bothering him, he realised he had to make an effort, and he would no longer keep threatening to leave and he wanted to make it work. Since then nothing changed except he started to go out more frequently (he as always gone to a pub near work whilst he waited for his bus home). Over a month ago he came home in early hours and I told him he needed to leave as I did not deserve to be treated with such little respect. As far as I was aware he went to his brothers. Four weeks down the line a collegue of his (who I am also a friend of) decided to tell me my partner was seeing someone from his work and had been two weeks before he left , she took great joy in telling me her friend and my ex were spending a lot of time together and that they were infatuated with each other (this lady is a widow) My friend told me according to his work friends me and my partner had split up over two years ago (This gets complicated because I was aware of this, we went through a bad patch and he changed his address and told them we split up two years ago, this never materialised and I have been pulled up several times by work collegues saying the knew we had split up, I had to keep correcting them telling them we were still together. I told my ex all the times I had been pulled up always told me he as never got round to letting them know we back together as the occasssion had never arisen) My ex is very shy and would not go out of his way to rectify this mistake. After this devastating revelation I spoke to my ex and told him what I had been told. He explained it was not what it seemed and that the lady was vulnerable and was a widow and was talking about her husband all the time, he had taken her out for a meal but only as a work friend as she was still upset over the loss of her husband. He said people where telling lies and he was not with her all the time and she was reading way too much into the friendship. I asked him did he want to be with her and he said no, but that it was not that simple, he could not just leave her as all the people he worked with would think bad of him. He said she was vulnerable and it would take time. I asked did he want to come home and he said we had problems but that he had given me 18 years and would like to try and make it work, I told him I realised he had gotten himself into a situation and I would wait for him. This made me feel better, but I could not get the thought of them out of my head. At a weak moment I text and asked him was he with her, he did not reply, so I text again explaining I was struggling and I needed to hear his voice, still no reply. The day after he said he had gone to bed early and that was why he had not replied. I then realised maybe I am making a fool of myself and if I carried on I was going to make myself ill, so I text him saying maybe he was with this lady but did not want to tell me the truth and hurt me, I explained I was already hurt and the pain was unbearable, I explained I could not get the fact that maybe he wanted to give it a go with her and I found it hard to believe he had another life now. I asked him to make it easier for me and let me get on with my life I asked him to not text me or ring me and when I was ready I would be in touch so we could discuss our home. I have had no contact from him and that was five days ago and not sure what to do, I feel deep down he is telling the truth about the lady and is stuck in a rut not wanting to hurt her and get his collegues to fall out with him, but I cannot go forward until he tells me himself he is with her or I see them together for myself. Saying it is likely he is with her is not convincing me enough. Lastly! Our son is coping very well but as to endure seeing me upset (Which I try to hide) he as just received a letter from college for parents evening, where usually we would both attend. I am not ready to face my ex and not sure if that is unfair on my son. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.Kindest regards
View related questions:
christmas, depressed, my ex, shy, split up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Hi
I think you deserve a better life, and the truth always does come out in the end. You may not want or be ready to face the truth but the writing was on the wall...please read. Then RE-write a new life ...You can start again, don't pine for a man who don't know what or who he wants...KNOW what you want and what is good for you, you are still young and so many new experiences are waiting for you.
Good luck and i wish you and your son well...your a kind hearted lady. :)
|
