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Closure needed in the up and down relatinship?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 October 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 23 October 2009)
A male Canada age 41-50, *aralyzed writes:

So, she sucked me back in about 3 weeks ago. My own fault, I admit it. She acted weird right away. Stayed with me for a few days. A freind gave me the heads up that she had been on a few dates with a guy the week before. I didn't bring it up to her because I had been on a few too. One of the conversations we had was about forgiving the past. I told her I was willing to do that. She said she would do the same. Fast forward 4 days, and I recieve a text message from her that nearly stopped my heart. There was a picture of me on Facebook with a girl I had dated during the summer when the ex and I were broken up. She knew about her, and had raked me over the coals about it. After seeing the picture, which may have stung her naturally, she lost it. "she hated me", I was "F@ck Face, lying piece of Sh!t, manipulative mind F'ing a-hole". I reminded her that she had been on dates just the week before. She admitted it and let me know how that guy was not a bar hopping loser like me. I ignored the rest. Later that night she wrote again "you will never touch me again". I had enough, i told her "i didn't want to touch her again, and to go away, that she was a hypocritical lunatic". It felt good. She kept it up. I ignored. I heard she was bar hopping herself the very next night. Two days passed and she wrote me an apology. Admitting she was being hypocritical, but ended it with "goodbye". I accpted and stayed away. A week passed and my bday rolled around. She texted again to see how my weekend was. Moronic chit chat followed. I got rid of her before it lead anywhere. Silence for a week. Saw her that Friday night holding hands with a guy outside a club. Called her on her lies and reminded her about her texting me the week before. She let me know that this guy actually respected her. I stayed away, no contact.

5 days passed and she texts me again letting me know how her sick Uncle was doing. I ignored. Friday night, at 12:45 I was out with a male friend, she phones. Drunk. She acted sweet at first, i know this routine. She tells me that I don't want her because she is a drunkard. I said "if you want to talk like an adult, call me 2morrow when you are sober". She hangs up on me. Then texts me "F off mr serious". I write back that it's time for her to let me go.

The next day she has me unblocked and there is an email on my facebook. "Hi Paralyzed, I hope you are well. I'm sorry for everything. I hope you are keeping yourself well. You deserve happiness in your life".

There was no sign off. No goodbye, seeya, go to hell, nothing. I've been dealing with this woman for almost 3 years, and I'm still puzzled by her behavior. I can't say that this woman is Boderline. She hasn't been to a therpist. But, is this Bipolar, Borderline? She is certainly a Narcissist. She can date whomever, talk to whomever, and I have to sit home and cry when she decides it's just not working anymore.

For now, i'm no conctact, and i'm not responding to this email. I would love to meet her face to face to get closure, but I realize it doesn't matter. She will sit across from me, reject me, then contact me again weeks later. What do I make of this email? Can anyone translate it for me?

View related questions: drunk, facebook, text

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A male reader, manaja United Kingdom +, writes (23 October 2009):

Hi I posted yesterday, regarding something similar, your question is about closure, Im four months out it now, her choice, she never told me we were through, just stopped replying to my text (only one I sent her) , I felt she had strung me along too for 3 years, as regards closure, no I dont think it matters so much, if one person decides they dont want in anymore , providing you havent been abusive etc, whats the point in asking them why ? They obviously dont want you about ,I felt anger , annoyance and yes I could of punched her because she had me for a fool 3 years ago, then did it again this summer, my fault for giving her time of day, it wont happen again.

If I see her, I'l speak and say hello, but bring nothing of the past up, theres no point, ive always maintained, time, distance and silence.so closure for me doesnt enter into it, when you start asking them questions, you,l always think of others to ask them later, I think about her sometimes still and wander if she did actually care for me, but , I certainly wont be asking her why she did what she did, she had her reasons and knowing her like I do, she probably couldnt care less how I feel, thats the part that bothers me, knowing her and still giving her time of day again.I hope this helps.

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A male reader, called Steve United Kingdom +, writes (23 October 2009):

called Steve agony auntJust stay away from her - eventually she'll get the picture. She sounds very domineering and self centred. You really are better off without her...

Good luck and keep ignoring the phone...

Steve

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