A
female
age
41-50,
*owgirlscadillac
writes:I was friends with my husband for 5 years and never fought with him. We then decided we liked each other and he proposed after a month of dating. Six months later we married. From the day we started dating, we fought off and on. Now, two years later we are still married but we had a baby together in December and this June he moved out. He put holes in the walls, thrown things at me, and then said he had to move out so his temper would not worsen. His name is not on the house so he will not give me money for the house but does give a little for baby's daycare and says when he can, he will give money for past bills we have together. I can't get past the past of his temper, leaving when we fight and not returning for days (I know he did not cheat, but felt like it sometimes), he would go out on the motorcycle and leave me home with the kids, but I do love him and when we are great, we are great. He refused to go to counseling or really try to make us work. After he moved out, my girlfriend set me up with her brother in law. I told her we would only be friends, but she thought there would be more. There was, he was friendly, nice, spent time w/ me, cuddled w/ me, helped me with money without me asking and when I tried to say no, he would force it, he was great with my kids, helped around my house, took me out places, always paid for dinners and things and I was so comfortable around him and started to fall for him, even though he was very quiet, never told me what was bothering him and always said nothing was wrong and when I was upset, he did not know how to talk or comfort me. I started yelling sometimes, to please open up and just tell me how he felt, but he didn't. Then my husband, after a month of dating this new guy, my husband wanted to work things out. I took him back and told the new guy I was so sorry and we both cried when we left each other. My husband and I lasted 3 days before fighting and calling it quits. I went back and forth 2 more times after this and even started divorce papers and my husband has been served and says he won't sign because he loves me so much and is willing to go to counseling. We split again and fought, I went back to the new guy, we got into a fight last week and he wants nothing to do with me. I would think if he cared and knew I was upset, he would at least call or text to let me know something, but he has not, how could he love me like he said he did? What did I do? He told my girlfriend he was mad cuz I would not choose, why did he never tell me? How could i have known what all was wrong if he would not tell me? ANd my husband, I do still love him, but sometimes think that it wont work cuz I can't get past the past. How do i get past the past? Who do I choose? How do I figure out who to choose?? Help me, please...
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female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Hi Hunny
Im going to tell you like I was talking to my girl mate because hunny Ive been there with one of them before, So Im going to tell you as I tryed to tell her that you need space from both of these men at this moment in time. And start getting your head round whats been going on. After everything you have gone through with your husband you canot possibly go into anything else before you have got through and over what you really truely want from your marriage. You were friends with this man for 5yrs, Married him had his children but somewere inbetween the friendship and the marriage something went wrong, You obviously loved this friend dearly..I mean I have a male friend I care very much for so the feelings there have got to be touched back on to see what you loved about him, And how this all started to go wrong love. And if you want to talk to him after you have had a good think, (because sweetheat your going to fast your heart and brain cant keep up) Then maybe you can talk about what happened and you can then both sort out if its worth saving or hurting yourselves over sweetheart. And hopefully with a little bit of you time JUST YOU!!! and the children you can start to relax and really think what you want only then hunny will you no truely what to do...You need to chill out and stand back take a breath and get you back before you can tell either of these men what you want cause you dont no at this moment its all on its head, And Ive been on my head before in it uncomfortable...your b/f probably didnt tell you because he was scared of the reaction he would get as he seemed to care for you alot so therefore he was by the sounds of things hurting, Not knowing what will happen is he going to loose you keep you so he kelp quiet as he didnt want to upset things...You have alot to think about alot on your mind so take some time just for yourself to work through things even go to a counsellor alone for awhile and then if you want your husband to join you when you have sorted stuff out then at least you will be more focused I do hope this makes sense TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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