A
female
age
36-40,
*eedzHalp
writes:I am living with a super clingy boyfriend. Yeah...I never thought I'd ever have a problem with an overly clingy, affectionate man, but its been happening to me for over 3 years now. I am still so much in love with him but to an extent he's almost pushing me away with his demands for hugs, kisses, cuddles, and whatever else he needs to feel better about himself. I want to hug him when I want to hug him, not when he's feeling insecure. I don't even know what to do. We fight all the time.HELP!
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female
reader, NeedzHalp +, writes (26 November 2009):
NeedzHalp is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi guys, I appreciate you responding to my statement.
I guess I should give you the back-story of our relationship. I've dated him on and off since high school. So I've known him for quite sometime. The first year we were officially together I had just moved back to my home state and was living with my grandparents. I was working full time and going to school. He was doing nothing with his life. I pushed him into getting getting a job and getting his life on track. I eventually moved in with him and his parents.. (Worst mistake ever) At first it wasn't too bad, but my life slowly began to only revolve around him. He started making me feel guilty when I wanted to go see my friends and family. He started going through my computer and came across AIM conversations between me and my ex. (We dated for only 6 months and ended the relationship because we were better off as friends.) I didn't see the big deal about me talking to him, I considered him to be one of my good friends. Him being my ex was completely irrelevant to me. He just can't get over the fact that I was talking to him.. This happened almost a year ago and he brings it up at least once a month. I've tried everything to reassure him that I'm only interested in him. I put on a happy face every day, even though I'm screaming inside, just to make him feel better. I will admit, we do have communication problems. I'm almost scared to talk to him about his neediness. I know exactly how it will go..He'll get so mad, yell and then eventually calm down and demand I hug him or cuddle him to reassure my love. Its getting ridiculous. I don't want to hurt his feelings and I don't want to feel the guilt he's going to dish out. I already have issues with guilt and he knows it. I really want this to work, I've invested so much in this relationship.
If you have any advice or questions please feel free to ask away.
A
female
reader, madlib +, writes (25 November 2009):
Have you told him how you feel?
Is there reason for him to feel so insecure about the relationship? Does he feel you aren't interested in him anymore? Does he just need to hear that?
Usually these actions come from some sort of action that creates insecurities...from jeleousy of time you spend with other friends, male or female, to maybe other events in his life like death divorce whatever....usually people who get more clingy do so because they want to feel a sense of security....in the past three years have you gotten distant or pulled away a little or stopped communicating as much? Do you guys not have sex as often and not communicating any more about what you like or don't like? There could be soo many reasons for why he is trying to have you express your love to him..your best bet is to come right out and tell him how you feel, and that you would like him to feel comfortable and secure enough with you to be able to tell you what is worrying him enough that he needs this validation from you....he could just be an emotional guy who feels your the only good thing in his life and he doesn't want to lose that...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): well my advice is that you should tell him that he is being clingy or maybe you two should see other people if he is acting like that, because true you still love him , but if you two are fighting all the time then its not worth it. Maybe he is not the right person for you maybe he needs to find someone else or be on his own for awhile to feel better about himself. i dont know if this will help but i hope it does , good luck.
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