A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi.One of my best friends has a problem with flirting. She even flirts with me although I have a GF and she has a BF.I think she does it because she has low self esteem and because of some troubles she’s had in the past. I believe she also uses it as a way of coping with stressful situations, as I try to cope by laughing it off.I have known her for a long time now and I constantly tell her that she shouldn’t flirt while she has a bf.And in the time I have known her I have noticed a significant improvement in the way she acts at least around me. She doesn’t flirt as much any more although she still does a little.My girlfriend however has a different view. She believes that friends should never flirt or use sexual innuendos when they have a partner.I agree with this but I know my friend does it in a joking fashion and I think there is more to her behaviour then just showing off or trying to seek attention.Do you guys think I should give up on my best friend?I believe after knowing her so long that she is a good person, do you think I’m being nieve?My GF has never met my best friend before in real life, do you think she is being too sensitive about it?Do you think that my friend will eventually stop or even grow out of it pos? She is still young (19) (I’m 23)Sorry to make you read a wall of text.Looking forward to reading your views and opinions.
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best friend, flirt, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): i agree with anon to a degree but it doesnt matter who got their first does it whether it the friend or the gf but the fact that your friend should show more respect to you more so that you have a gf, her flirting could get herself into trouble in future..whether its joking or not it seems you dont like it and so does your gf and i have to agree their i would hate it if my fiance was just brushing a girl of instead of puttin her in her place as he feels the same with me we have an equal understanding..well how long have you known your friend ? 5yrs = 10yrs people change alot so its early days to say but their is no right or wrong answer whether your being nieve or not but dont put all your eggs into one basket or they could get all broken so my fiance says..maybe your gf is being sensitive but she does have a right to be because she prob feels in an uncomfortable situation..maybe she feels the way we do or her past could be haunting her a little..their is no excuse for flirting or laughing things off we all do it for a reason ! and you only think until you know the real reason your in guessing land and you can guess all you want but to get to the truth is to ask..and if she does it because shes insecure then she might not tell you why, dont rule out attention seeking because if she is she wont admit that either that would be silly lol...i maybe wouldnt give up on your friend but try and get her to see that its something people may take it the wrong way and the fact you have a gf it makes you uncomfortable and it wouldnt make you gf happy at all that might make her see sense and if it doesnt then it would seem she dont respect you or your gf . reassure your gf that you love her and want to be with her make her feel special that should help her with her problems of this situation but dont down her for her opinion its proberly how she feels and if shes being honest with you about this it just shows you how much she cares for you!! sorry for the long paragraph lol gd luck random reader
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): i thank you all for your responses especially the 3rd by anonymous.My gf actually read the responses and this has put into words alot of what she wanted to tell me but didnt know how to exprese. Thank you all
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Hello.
You said you're "best friend" was only 19yrs old...
That age is about the time when a girl is really starting to explore her emotional/sexual self, so you're friend may just be just exploring, where she ranks(so to speak), on the male responses to her flirtation.
If she is in fact you're "best friend", and there has never been anything more than that between the two of you,
then you could try waiting to see if it is just a phase your friend is going through and hope it blows over.
On the other hand, she may be seing something in you that she did not notice before(i.e. developing an attraction to you) and is checking to see what your responses are before she decides if what she is feeling is "real" or just circumstantial.
If you're friend is in a relationship with a guy,and he makes her feel good about herself,
she could just be feeling sexually confident as a woman and is expressing her new found self.
However, she should "check herself" to show respect to the girl you are dating and the requests you have made for her to stop flirting.
Maybe she also could be feeling(if your GF is a new thing) that she is loosing her best friend and not feeling the "connection" that you two used to share before you started dating someone, and is trying different tactict to regain you're attention.
Immature? yes. But she is only 19 years old...
She is a "GIRL" turning into a "WOMAN" and is probably pretty confused about who she is and what she wants for her life.
Her insecurities could be a factor as well. Especially if she has been burnt by a fair number of guys, but not including you.
You're GF has a right to her own opinion and feelings, and personally I agree that it is desrespectful for your friend to be flirting when she knows it makes the relationship with you're GF difficult.
However, if the friend came before the GF then the same amount of respect should be recipricated.
Girls do tend to over react and think the worst. Not because they don't trust their man, but lots of times because there is so much cheating and "games" going on in the world today that it is programed into us to believe that we are going to get "screwed over" and that men are "all the same" & are "players" and that we should be leary and guard our hearts from potential disaster.
Communication, honnesty, respect, and trying to understand how the other party may feel, are all key ingredients to a relationship for a woman.
I woldn't loose hope in you're friend or give up on your GF just yet.
explain to them what you are thinking so that they don't assume the worst and freak out.
be sincear in what you say and do.
hope everything works out for ya!
sincearly,
Random Reader
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 I think you should not give up on your best friend, but you should certainly tell her that your girlfriend isn't taking her flirting well, and that she's putting you in a situation where you have to choose between your love and your friend. I'm sure she will understand.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 July 2008):
I love flirting, I flirt with my husbands friend and flirt with my husband. It's fun because we all know it means nothing and is just a joke. Everyone knows that in the end, my husband is the only one I have eyes for.
Your girl friend is touchy about it because you are flirting with a girl who she has never met and she only has your word that it's just a joke. She's probably worried this girl wants to steal you away.
Your friend is probably just flirty with everyone - you've already said she's trying to stop as you have talked to her about it.
Take them both out together and have a good laugh. Your problems will disappear.
Good Luck!! xx
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