A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible for a man to have a chronic erectile dysfunction, for 5 years,for psychological causes, what he does not know what are they? Its my husband, he is in perfect health, but we are unable to have sex,as he has no sexual desire, and when we are trying to have sex,he is losing his erection all the time, no matter how much ,I m trying to help. I really dont know what to do, I feel,after 5 years, I have no more patience. He says its not me, and sex is gone from his head. What should I ask him to do about this? What would you think ,in my situation? I feel very hurt and confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): There are so many things that can contribute to ED. We are dealing with this as well, as ED started to surface about a year and a half ago with my Fiance. Yes, it's very frustrating and as a woman, it takes a great deal of undersanding and patients to deal with it too.
Smoking is a huge contributor, lack of regular exercise (cardio...getting that blood flowing), not eating a well balanced diet, stress, lack of sleep, to much sugar/large quantities of soda daily.
A complete physical is in order, and a discussion with the doctor...this is quite common and he should not be concerned/embarrased about discussing it.
There are plenty of medications that do work, but man are they expensive....they saved our sex life (we are daily sexually active) but we are almost going broke because of it. His insurance only covers 8 pills a month!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): Mental block is very likely explanation. It worth trying to find it, before it would damage the relationship any further.
Only a therapist can help on that, as many times , this are things , we are unable to reach without the right guidance.
But nobody can be forced into therapy. It has to come from the person, who is having the problem, and wanting to fix it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): The medical world seems convinced that people normally always have high sex drives and anyone who does not have a high one is suffering from some kind of specific treatable problem or mental block. But all my real world experience tells me otherwise. People have a wide range of sexual drives and sometimes a person's sex drive is gone without a specific problem at all.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 December 2011):
 When did he last have a physical? When did he last discuss this with his doctor?
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (6 December 2011):
 I completely agree with what the other advisors has mentioned. And I believe that it would be best, first for him to see a doctor about this problem. Preferably a Urologist.
There are a list of reasons that were previously asked about/mentioned for his lack of libido. You also cannot rule out eating/drinking habits, if he's a smoker, stress, and proper lack of rest.
"Chronic ED" can be fixed naturally. And I advise you to read this article. It may be a beneficial read for the both of you.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/guys-what-to-do-if-youre-suffering-from.html
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2011):
 There are many things that can lead to ED. Hormonal imbalance is much more common in women, but DO happen to guys to. Thyroid problems can lead to lower libido, low testosterone ditto.
I think he ought to go talk to his doctor, I don't think I would classify ED "normal" for a guy who is in his 30's.
I agree with C. Grant - if the medical is check out and rules out, you have a choice of trying a couples counselor/sex therapist.
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A
female
reader, bluecow  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 Hiya Totally agree with C.Grant.
I know you have mentioned "perfect health"... but has this actually been qualified?
Is he on any form of medication (or health supplement?) - many of these can cause lack of libido and ED.
Has he been checked for everything grant says, along with thyroid, hormone levels etc etc - in other words a full blood workout.
His doctor should also be ruling out other physical illnesses which can cause lack of libido and sexual dysfunction, these include MS, and prostate enlargement.
Once those have been ruled out he needs to think about his psychological health. There are many behavioural therapies which can help him rediscover his sex drive and plenty of aids which will help him achieve a full and satisfying sex life.
As for how to approach him.... can I suggest gently?
Why not offer to go with him to see a doctor (see a different one if he doesnt want his family GP to be the one). Explain to him how this situation isnt just affecting him, its hurting you too.
Wishing you all the best xx
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 OK, first you want to know whether what he describes as "perfect health" is the same as what a doctor would say. How is his blood pressure, and is he on any meds for that. Have they checked for diabetes, have they checked his testosterone level. A guy in his 30s without obvious symptoms or predispositions doesn't necessarily get the full medical investigation that might be needed. On top of which, he's not likely to tell his doc about ED.
If you've genuinely and thoroughly ruled out medical issues, then the question is about what's going on in his head. You haven't said if you used to have a satisfactory sexual relationship. If you never did that's one issue. If it used to work for him then it stopped, that's a different issue. A qualified marriage counsellor, with experience in sexual issues, is probably the next step.
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