A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a 5 year old with another women, he just got an e-mail from someone he dated 4 years ago claiming he is the father of his little girl What do I do?I am currently 27 years old and have been dating my current boyfriend for about 2 months. I have know him for two years and we just decided to start dating. I knew about his son that will be 5 in August, and I was ok with that. I have met his son numerous times as well as the mother and they have a very good relationship, so it bothered me at 1st but I knew I had to accept his past. I have always wanted kids, and wanted to share that experience with the man I was going to be with....so this new blow really hit me hard. He got a e-mail from a women that he dated briefly about 4 years ago claiming that he is the father of her 3 year old daughter....and she thought it was time to tell him about her. My boyfriend is having hard time with this as am I, I dont understand why anyone would not tell the guy he is a father until the child is 3 years old. I feel like she is being very unfair nt only to her daughter but to my boyfriend. I know he did not know and I want to support him, but this is very hard on me...I am 27 never married and dont have any children, I am second gussing what I signed up for 2 children, with two different mothers is a lot to take in. Any advice on this is great and I appreciate it. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Sigh.
Okay, you got a man, he abandoned one kid, then another and now you are with him for a grant total of 60 days and you want a baby with him and wonder if this will be alright?
Just out of intrest, I got this bridge, intrested in buying it? Good value!
I suggest you get one of those long-term anti-conception shots so that you absolutely cannot get pregnant until at least a year from now. It is NEVER a good idea to make long term plans until the rush of hormons of a new relation has died down.
Oh, of course, there might be all sorts of reasons why he has two kids he is not there for. I just think the most likely one is that he is NOT the sort to depend upon.
Your in love and defend him, seeking excuses and blaming it on the mothers instead. Fine, just don't come crying in a years time when you got a baby and are single as well.
Basic dating tip. Look at how HE/SHE behaved towards his/her ex'es.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): It is wonderful you were able to get past the first child and that you are trying to work things out with his second. You have a good heart.
If it is love you feel, then you can get past this. Just think of the other two as adding to the family (and a way to practice parenting before you feel over protective of your own child). It WILL be harder though for him to feel like he can have many more children in the future. However, I am sure you two can come to some sort of agreement on number if there is love.
Give him some time to sort things out in his head and then confront him about your concerns.
Time
Money
Stress
Future children
You acting as a sort of parent
Etc
He probably won't be too keen on listening to your concerns if he still is very confused and frustrated about the situation so he will NEED time to address his concerns first.
Good Luck!
...............................
|
