A
female
age
41-50,
*onfusedWife01
writes:I have been married for 9 years now. My husband works a state away and so stays with a friend when he's working late. I found out last nite that he is staying with just a woman and not a man and a woman as he has claimed for 3 years now. I found the followig text on his phone last night from his roommate - "Look, I just love u so much. I'll get over the way I feel and make changes and try harder so maybe one day u won't feel this way anymore." After confronting him several times in the past, he finally admitted that they had sex a few months ago after we had a fight and they got drunk with friends. Now this morning he's saying that they only kissed, fondled, and she started to give him a blow job but he stopped it before they could finish. He said he felt that it wasn't that bad since he stopped it before it went too far. But isn't what he did far enough?He has been a dedicated father to our kids and taken very good care of us all these years while working a lot of hours. We've always had a rocky marriage with lots of arguing but we've always pulled through. So I'm confused as to what I should do, or what to make of the situation. I don't want to hurt my kids and I'm scared I won't be able to make it on my own if I leave. Any advice???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Well there is a few things to concider here, firstly he told you he has sex with her and then he back tacked the next day and said he didnt, is this not ringing bells in your head wondering why he would say that? if it was me i would be wondering what else he is hiding. Can you honestly say that you can trust this man again? If you think that you can trust thim through time then you need to tell him that he needs to find work closer to home as it is just going to make you go insane him working away and stayin away at night. He needs to prove to you that he wants this marriage to work and that he will do anything for it. But if you feel that you cant regain the trust then hunnie am afraid you have to get out of this marriage as you will live the rest of your life unhappy and its better for your children if you two part your own ways than having to live with two miserable parents that are always fighting. Off course you will worry if you can make it on your own this is natural, but he will still need to pay for his children and am sure if you have free time you can look for a part time job. You will make it on your own dont worry, you will find the strength within you believe me, of course you will be heartbroken for a while but you have your children to keep you going and sooner than you think you will be feeling better within yourself and be ready to go back on the dating scene. Wichever path you chose to follow good luck and all the best in your future.
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