A
male
age
51-59,
*ohman51
writes:Hey all. My girlfriend of 3.5 yrs cheated on me. We have a beautiful son together. I have forgiven her and done everything I can to try and work out our relationship. The one thing I have asked of her is for her to not have any form of communication with the "other" guy. She says she thinks that I should be okay with her remaining friends with him, albeit he lives 500 miles away. She says she wants to work things out with me, but is unwilling to give up her friendship with him. What do I do?
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female
reader, sexi suga  +, writes (10 November 2009):
babe u have to be very careful with this situation, the reason why i say that coz i am in exactly the same position. basically if you tell her to chose i believe she will chose u no doubt as she is in the wrong, but what happened in my case was that he told me all contact was finished but it wasnt.he knew that if he told me they were still talking i would go insane so to avoid an argument everytime they spoke he didnt tell me... and that were i am now... yestday i told him that its me or her and that for final... and i told him not to contact me until he has gotten thar affair out of his life... only when she is out we can patch things up... i believe you should do something similar... if she returns she reallly wnts to be with you, if not she gtta go i knw i knw easier said then done huhbut anyways good luck sweetie
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): What you need now is a great big shot of....NO MORE! She obviously doesnt think enough of you to end it with the guy that smashed your relationship...That says it all right there really...And I feel for you....
You sound like one of those loving, forgiving sweet guys that girls just cant find...Do yourself a favour and tell her to get out of your life...Tell her she can have him....There are 100's of women looking for guys like you. Stop wasting your life on this self-centred manipulative loser. Let her go....Turn your face to the sun, take a deep breath and move on... :) Good luck
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): Well, during that 1.5 yrs, she has also wanted to come back home and work things out. Everytime it would come time to move back in, she would change her mind. I went thru that for a year. I just think its not fair for her to want both of us in her life. So thank you all for your advice.
Dohman51
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): I am the ex-girlfriend Dohman posted the question about. What is not mentioned in this question Dohman posted is:1) I have been seeing the "other guy" for almost 1.5 years.2) I told him before I became involved with the other guy, before I EVEN met the other guy--that I wanted to leave and why; I just never left. 3) After 1.5 yrs apart (I moved out a while ago), we talk about getting back together and what that would take. He wants "the other guy" that I left him for to not have any communication w/me. "The other guy" requests us to at least keep the friendship if I have to break up w/him. 4) Dohman sees "the other guy" as the big issue, the whole reason we are not together. Granted it is why we are still not together but considering how it was going, I would have eventually got fed up and left. 5) The real dilemma is we both want our son everyday. I want to move out of state after I graduate (6mos) but we both want to stay w/our son. We also got along OK with each other; it was tolerable being together. 6) I am having difficulty with the situation bc I can honestly see my life w/Dohman being OK but I am 23 and I still see us having the same probs as before BUT we will both have our son. Although, I can also see my life w/"the other guy" being a good life--except I would have to give up 1/2 time with my son. "The other guy" happens to have been my friend first. I told Dohman I would make concessions to get back together w/him. The thing I request is to at least keep contact w/"other guy". The real question is, what is the right thing to do?
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A
male
reader, Friendly Bear +, writes (7 November 2009):
If she has been up front with you (ie she told you) and she shows contrition then as hard as it may be you need to think about forgiving her and trusting her again. Tell her that in order you to understand her she needs to give you a little more explanation. Are you the most important person in her life? Why him? What's she going to do to ensure it doesn't happen again? Does she want to be with you forever?
If she's not sufficiently shown she's sorry or she's kept it from you, then dump her now. If you don't you'll find that she's leaving or you'll get and STD.
It's not an easy place to (believe me I know I'm their now). Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): I agree with everyone who has replied so far. I'd tell her to make the desision, and if it's not what you want to her, tell her your leaving, and stick to that. It's not fair that she can have an affair with someone and thenwant to remain 'friends' with them. I go to see movies with my friends, and have heart to heart chats with them, and have fun with them. So why would you be so comfortable in them remaining friends? You sound like a really decent guy who us girls would be lucky to have, so let her make the desision because it sounds like you have done all you can. Good Luck xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): She should give up the other guy if she really means she wants it to work with you two.
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male
reader, jnj express +, writes (6 November 2009):
Guess what a relationship is made up of 2 partners, not 3. If she wants to be with you then she goes NC with this guy, and that is done with a short e-mail to him with you present---telling him their relationship is over, and he is never to contact her again----any contact from now on will be given to you to deal with. She has cheated on you already so if you do want to stay with her you need some strict boundaries, with consequences, put in place that if she violates, you will take action on----if she can't live with that, then maybe it is time for you to move on
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (6 November 2009):
 She says that she wants to work at the relationship but does not want to give up the ex??? Sorry, but the way I see it, if you really meant so much to her and she really loved you she would give up the ex to make things good in your relationship.
You cannot resolve issues in a relationship when one party will not co-operate... and by this I mean give up all contact with the ex...
How will you ever be able to move forward in the relationship with her when she is still in contact with the person she cheated with?
If the tables were turned, I have no doubt she would have demanded that you stop all contact...
I think it should be a choice, either you or the ex.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (6 November 2009):
 500 miles does not make it safe. She already cheated with him once, and there's no guarantee they won't be close enough to cheat again some day.
Trust me as an expert here. Two months ago, my fiancée (who I had been dating for just over three years) dumped me and ran off with her "friend" who lived 600 miles away. Here it is two months later and they are now engaged to each other.
I hate to cause ultimatums, really I do, but she just cheated on you, betrayed the father of her son. If she wants to stay with you, she has to at least feel guilty about cheating and cut ties with this man. If she refuses to give up her man on the side, that sounds to me like she's trying to keep her options open.
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