A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:OK I'm not innocent and I know this, but I have been seeing a guy off and on for about 3 years who has a girlfriend. At first he didn't tell me about her and I soon found out and ended the casual relationship. Last year he got back in contact with me promising me he had changed and really missed me but he still has the girlfriend.I know I should have told him to get lost but I was lonely and liked the attention. We have been having a sexual relationship for over 9 months and throughout it all my feelings grew and I was sure his did too. Stupid I know. He has done quite a few things for me especially when My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer but looking back I can see sex was the payment. Speaking of payment I also lent him money when he was out of work. Recently I sent him a text message but his GF rang me back and started shouting abuse at me and he did too. I went to see him the next day and he blamed me for creating an argument between me and his gf. I gave him 2 weeks to see if the situation calmed down but still I heard nothing. Feeling hurt and betrayed as I really thought we were more than Friends with benefits I tried to call him but again his gf answered and all hell broke loose. I demanded my money back and I threatened to tell his gf everything. He came round to my house and told me he had my money, when I let him in he grabbed my phone and drove off with it and deleted all my messages between us both. I found it outside my door 5 mins later. Then his gf started calling me asking me what was going on.Out of fury that I was made to feel nothing to him after everything I met up with her and told he everything. She was really nice and thanked me and even apologized for calling me names. Since then I have heard nothing from either from them.I still can't help but feel guilty. Am I the guilty one? I also feel very alone without him in my life...is this normal too?Please help
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friend with benefits, has a girlfriend, money, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for giving me your time in answering. I've been very angry with myself these past few days for allowing myself to get into that destructive situation. I am actually living in a different country to my own and have few friends here, which doesn't help the healing process very much and there is the language barrier. I'm going back home for a few weeks and I hope I can get this cretin out of my thoughts.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 July 2013):
 Trying to determine WHO to is to BLAME in this situation is pointless.
He is doing wrong because he is ALREADY in a relationship, BUT you are wrong too, you KNOW/KNEW this and still continued being his dish on the side, hoping he would realize you were more then just a hole in the wall.
Let him go, stop letting him use you, and stop doing things you know is "wrong", because it will give you the regrets and feeling of woe is me. Neither are very pleasant.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (1 July 2013):
You need to move on. Your "relationship" was not a relationship. He used you and you used him. He used you for sex and you used him because of your fear of being alone.
This was not a healthy relationship. Do not worry about him. You need to worry about getting yourself into a healthy state of mind and body. Stop disrespecting yourself. Love yourself. Get involved with the gym, go back to school to improve your skills, hang with your girlfriends.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2013): Oh he is such a horrible man! Be thankful that he is out of your life - even in such a messy way. Think of the money as the price to pay for knowledge and wisdom. Now you just have to get yourself back up, focus on yourself and hopefully eventually find a wonderful guy who is fully single.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (30 June 2013):
 I think the whole guilt thing is a bit late...she now knows and you have resolved with her.
He was cheating and he got caught and he did what most men do...they stick by the woman they are in a relationship with.
You feel alone because he was giving you attention!...there are better ways to get attention.
In time you will get over it and use your guilt to learn a lesson...
Don't mess around with guys who are already in relationships, because it makes a fool of you.
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