A
female
age
30-35,
*hichick
writes:If someone can help me now i'd be very gratefull!My BF and I are now together for about 3 and a half years now and about a month ago i caught him in bed with another woman, he admited that it happend twice since then we've gone on vacation for 3 weeks and have been back for about 2 weeks now, he promised that he would never cheat again that I dont need to worry and that he loves me and im important and doesnt want to lose me. I kindof understand , becuz he explained, how it all got to this point, i go to school all day and work during weekends and am tierd when i get home not at all in the mood for sex ever. But now we are good sex aqll the time I keep in mind that he has his needs so we are happy, so he left his account of some network thing open and i went through his messages and find that he is hitting on other woman only one since we've been back but still I feel so betrayed but I love him so much, he spends most of his time with me he does (almost) everything i ask him to do or want, he fixes my car if its not good , he goes to my house and paints the walls , so he even does allot without even being asked, tells me he loves me on a regular basis, kisses me alllll the time so I can't see whats going on. He says he never wants to lose me, we even opend a store together. i read this online: If you decide to stay with your cheating boyfriend, accept that’s who he is. Nothing you can say or do will change that. Don’t live your life in denial that he will stop cheating. If you have accepted him with his cheating ways, then he has accepted, that you have accepted him, so therefore he will continue cheating on you.and this scares me, cuz i havent accepted that he cheated I just decided because i love him sooo much that this is not going to ruin all this we have built already toghether. And ive told him just because I forgave you doesnt mean i trust you or that you are of the hook.He knows I need time to trust him and he wants me to trust him and he does tell me he is sorry once in a while as a reminder.I just dont know anymore what I have to do, expec, say, feel or demand anymore , please help :'(
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female
reader, devastated2008  +, writes (15 August 2009):
 He may be being sweet and sorry, but he also passed the buck to you... he essentially blamed you for his loss of control. Because you worked were tired ect... he cheated that is bs. His needs may have been being neglected and he certainly had a right to correct the problem... but NOT by cheating. He's just a bf right now and its in the early stages of a relationship where things should be pretty good if he would cheat now, well he will definitely cheat later when you reach other more difficult stages. Either address the real cause of his cheating (weak character) or get out now before the hurt gets worse. Farther done the road you go the more pain you will suffer in the end.
A
female
reader, missjones +, writes (13 August 2009):
It so hard to deal with a cheater because they have the mind set that she/he will forgive me once then she/he will forgive me twice.The question you may need to ask yourself is how long are you going to hold yourself back.I am a full time student with a full time job and i am married and i am tired at the end of the day as well but that does not give my husband any right or nerve to look think or sleep with another women, As women we are expected to go out of our way to please our other halfs and when we dont they go out and cheat with someone who dont even care about them, dont think that you have to deal with that #**# because you do not. there are men out there who will respect that you've had a long day and wait until your able and feel like it.... Thats what a real man is all about.Think about it!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2009):
 I don't think you HAVE to accept that he is a cheater and thus will cheat again.
You need to sit him down and talk through WHY he did it and what you (and he) thinks should be the consequences if he does it again. He could be genuinely sorry for his mistake, but he could also just be sorry that he got caught.
If you do not believe in cheating you need to be very specific as to WHAT you consider cheating, and if he cheats again that you will leave ( or whatever you decide)
I do believe that if he keeps cheating and you keep staying, that you are accepting the cheating. So it is up to you how you will move forward.
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A
female
reader, chichick +, writes (13 August 2009):
chichick is verified as being by the original poster of the question PS.... Yess he does know he was wrong with what he did, Im juts afraid that he will cheat again... I dont want to believe in the "once a cheater, always a cheater" , i just cant help but be anxious...
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