A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Thank you for reading this.. I would like your opinions because I need to make a decsicion ….We have been friends w benefits for the last 3 years. I trusted him a lot we would see each other every weekend. It was pretty stable. Until last month when my sister in law came to visit me. He started chatting w her and she responded. He told her not to let me know, that he didn’t want to hurt me. There was no physical contact between them. I confronted him and he said ‘ I’m just talking to her to enjoy the moment is nothing serious. I have feelings for you. It’s not the same with her.’’ My sister in law left back to her town. She said he hadn’t spoken to her but just to say good morning. We’ll today, she sent me a pic of a convo between them. He asked her to send him pics so he can jerk off So I want to know…I don’t like what is going on and might stop seeing him. What are your opinions. Ishouldbi just ignore it, is this something serious between them? What do the men in here think? Thank you. I appreciate your thoughts.
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female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (13 July 2021):
 I disagree that having a FWB is a waste of time for a woman, it's only a waste of time if the sex is bad.It's a misconception that everytime a woman wants to have sex in fact she wants affection or a relationship. I think in this sort of arrangement the lines cannot be blurred or crossed. I was fwb with a guy for two years, never followed him on any social network, never went on dates, never met his family and i've never been to his house. sure we had drinks, had dinners together but I limited the amount of interection we had outside of the bedroom, because honestly personality wise we didn't click, we just enjoyed each other's bodies so for that to work you have to know you're not his gf, if he fuc*s other people, or sends them pictures or whatever, it's not your business. I see this sort of arrangement as just slightly more personal than an escort service.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2021): Have you ever had the exclusivity talk? Some FWB are exclusive where you only have sex with each other. Either way, it does not stop one or both of the participants from having feelings for or wanting someone else at any time.
I would consider it cheating on his part. You have been in a relationship for 3 years. It is a friends with benefits but STILL a relationship of sorts. Sex is an intimate act, and this guy wanting to share his body with other women is a betrayal of your relationship in itself!
I agree that it is hard to move on because you seem to have feelings for this man, and maybe you were hoping the relationship would become more serious. But he has just given you proof that you know of ( I am sure there is a lot you don't know that has gone on behind your back) so that to me is a sign that you need to leave this relationship. I know it won't be easy but he is using you and getting free sex. He does not love you or have any feelings for you. He is just pretending to in order to have sex with you. He truly is a waste of time. Why would you want to be with a man whore? You know you can do so much better. Great sex plus a relationship is possible!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (10 July 2021):
 This is a friends with benefits set up, no strings, so i'm guessing you both know what this title meant when you gave it this label 3 years ago.
He is basically a free agent, entitled to see, do, text, sleep with, or ask for saucy pictures any time he wants.
It sounds like he does like her more than he lets on, but under the current situation between you guys, you don't really have an awful lot of say in it to be honest.
I assume he is happy with the way things are between you, and is happy going on with the way things have been for the last 3 years.
I think if your having problems with him seeing other people, which he is quite entitled to do, then maybe its time for you get of this FWB set up and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2021): He is a FWB, nothing more , and as such you cannot demand nor expect that he remains monogamous and faithful to you.It is simply not part of the agreement, and I think probably this is not the first time he acts this way, just the first time you catch him red handed.
This guy is not interested in committing, at least in committing to you ; otherwise he would have had ample time to change your FWB situation into something more -in other words, if it's not your SIL, it will be some other woman sooner or later.
Now you have to decide whether the excitement he brings to your life is worth the aggravations he brings too .Or if being so disposable and precarious is something that you cannot handle .If this is the case , you should really stop seeing him.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 July 2021):
 He is not your boyfriend/fiance/husband or anything else where you have vowed fidelity to each other. A friends-with- benefits relationship is, by definition, a no-strings relationship, where the couple involved have sex without strings attached, without any expectations or promises. If this is not what you want, then yes, dump him and find someone who is willing to give you more. Don't settle for whatever crumbs of affection he throws your way if you really want more, otherwise you will end up feeling worthless and undervalued. What makes you think your SIL is the only one with whom he has had this type of conversation?
Judging by your reaction, I am guessing you actually do want a more meaningful relationship. How are you going to find one of those when you are wasting your time on this casual no-strings arrangement?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2021): Honey, friends with benefits is a waste of time for a woman. It's just a guy's way of getting free sex instead of paying to ring jerk off lines or pay women to meet them for real thing - which I doubt your "boyfriend" could afford. He will say whatever it takes to keep you obliging and pleasuring him now that she has gone back home. He is hardly going to be honest when she has left and he only has you to fall back on. IF you enter into fwb arrangements you have no right to get jealous or moan when he fancies someone else, you cannot have it both ways, it is not a relationship. He can do what he wants, when he wants with who he wants.
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