A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please no insults...I'm trying to do my very best, under tough circumstances. I'm engaged. And I cheated on my fiance last year. She doesn't know. It happened before we were engaged, but we had already been together for 4 years. I don't want to lose her and love her with all my heart. However, I feel guilty that I'm keeping this secret from her, and the more I love her, the more I realize how unfair it is to keep secrets from her. I feel like a hypocrite, b/c I know how much this secret will affect her willingness to marry me, yet I am so afraid of losing her. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): I disagree with the first poster. I think you should tell her- don't go into your marriage with secrets. Do the right thing and confess. Put yourself in her shoes. You would want to know if she cheated, right? Its called trust. It can and will be rebuilt. I have experienced it and confessing is always the right choice. She will trust you more in the future if you work up the courage to tell her now rather than have her find out on her own later. Plus YOU will feel better knowing there is nothing to hide anymore. You two have been together for quite some time and I believe this is something you can work through. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): the other female is oh so wrong for advocating more lies. do you want your marriage to be based on lies and half truths. do you think that you have a right to withhold such vital info from her. what are your motives behind this. not to admit to Fing around just so that she doesn't leave you? can you see how selfish and self centred you are. give your fiance a choice. a choice to stay and work things out or a choice to end it.
cheaters do not confess because they believe they can get away with the truth. they selecively make themselves to believe that they must carry the burden of the lies and the truth at the expense of her cheated partners. what crock!!!!but put yourself in her shoes. wouldn't you want to know so that you can make an informed choice.
secrets have a way of coming out when you least expect it. if you love her, have the decency to at least admit to her that you messed up. otherwise all your revelations of love means nothing. in the end it is mere words but with no substance.
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A
female
reader, InLoveW/Love +, writes (1 August 2010):
Be honest with her. I know its hard but by not telling her you're entering into a marriage with a dishonesty in your heart and guilt on your conscience. If she finds out, and you weren't the one to tell her, the damage will most likely be irreversible.
She will be hurt because you've been lying for a year, but the longer you wait the worse it will be. If she decides she cant marry you, then I'm sorry but the marriage wasn't meant to be in the first place. If she takes you back, never lie to her again because she won't forgive you a second time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): You may be surprised by my answer....You said you feel guilty & want to tell her. Why would you tell her? So YOU don't feel guilty anymore? By telling her, you are just going to cause her so much pain so that you don't have this weight on your shoulders. As long as you really won't do it ever again, i think the best thing to do is continue to keep it to yourself.
The only time I think you should tell her is if there is a chance she could ever find out from anyone else. Then you have to tell her.
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