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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi,For almost 4 years now I have known a girl solely online and I have never met her in my life. I have had small phone conversations but nothing more. I talk to her everyday using an instant messaging client online. I live in Australia, she lives in New Zealand.Recently we began "e-dating", basically dating online where the general point is not to take it seriously or as a "real life" relationship. However, I have found that I feel deeply for this person. I care about her more than anyone in my "real life" and I can't stop thinking about her. I literally rush home just to get online and talk to her.I don't know what I should do, because I don't know if she feels like this too or not. I've been considering bringing it up with my family and asking them for advice but I decided to ask here first.Thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, smithapatel +, writes (12 October 2006):
u need to meet up or else u never know whats gonna happen.4 years is a pretty long time but does she too feel the same way as u do?even when u meet dont expect her to be the exact same person u met online u need to spend some quality time together to find out if she is the person u actually fell in love with
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2006): Dude, unless you are a meer child and too young to travel to another country I'd have to say you're an idiot for settling for this online-dating rubbish for FOUR YEARS!
One of you needs to catch a flight and meet one another. I mean, FOUR YEARS. You could have fallen in love, married and had children by now!
Stop wasting your precious life and arrange to meet up as soon as you both can.
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A
female
reader, smileyhugs +, writes (22 September 2006):
I used to date online in the past, so I understand where you are coming from.
4 years is a long time, you must have built a seriously strong connection to stay in touch for so long. Have you tried just laying your cards out, being frank and open to her about how you truly feel? It may be that she feels the same, and is nervous about taking the next step?
I think that if your relationship is to survive, you will eventually need to meet. I know this is a daunting prospect, but why not meet somewhere as mutually convenient as possible, let family /friends know your plans so that it is safe, and take it slowly, a coffee or a bite to eat together. Perhaps the comfort of meeting in a friendship capacity will remove the pressure, and may work as a strong foundation for a 'real life' romantix relationship. I think that if you two are going to truly work, face to face contact is essential.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2006): Well, first of all, let me say it is real easy to build up an image of a person in your mind when your only contact is by email or phone. It gives you SOME idea of what she is like, but at the same time, is very one-dimensional.
E-dating, and all the online/phone communication, is, as you said, "not real-life." Its still only a potential relationship with very little grounding in reality - UNTIL you actually meet in person. And even when you DO meet in person - IF you do - its still going to take a good number of occasions where you get together to go out somewhere, meet one another's friends, etc., and also see her flaws (and for her to see your "feet of clay", too) if you want this to have a chance of becoming a really deep relationship.
First things first: let her know that you'd love to meet, and if she says she would, too, you can begin to think how to arrange a visit.
Then:
once you see her in person, you will have a better idea of whether your feelings are "justified" or not, and whether you want to figure out a way to meet more often. Long-distance relationships are not easy. I have no idea what it would cost for you to travel to New Zealand, or for her to come to Australia.
What do you want from this friendship?
Let us know how it turns out!
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