A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help. a year and half ago I met this guy. He was from another country and 25 years older than me. He was divorced with kids. He was an alcoholic.I saved his life when he relapsed.He pursed me for months. I finally gave him my heart and lost my virginity to him which I regret bitterly now. He used to love me but not so any more. I feel like an idiot or freak for losing virginity to a irresponsible man.Chastity before marrige is still demanded in our country. The virginity is very important. However i lost it to a wrong man. It kills me to think about it. This will be one I regret all my life.What should I do??
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alcoholic, divorce, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Repent, ask forgiveness of God. Go on with a new life.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 May 2008):
 Like I said before, most men can't even tell whether you are a virgin or not, unless you tell them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): Dear the above three readers:Thank you for your advice and comfort. I have been trying hard to let go of the past. Lost virginity when I was not ready was ready hard enough. The point is the man who is an alcoholic; who I gave my whole heart for all his faults and of whom I saved the life during his relapse turned out to be ungrateful and irresponsible. It hurts me whenever I think my love was misplaced. You are right. I could learn from my experience. This happened because I was way too innocent when I met him and because he was the first man in my life. I can forgive him but it is hard for me to forgive myself. Men in country can not accept non-virgin. I've made the bed and I must lie on it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): I agree.
Your situation is not uncommon, it's just kind of un-talked-about. There's a long, long, LONG list of decent good people with happy lives who have done the same thing.
And please don't throw yourself away now. A lot of women feel like they've "blown it all" when they lose their virginity in a situation that they regret. They feel like there's nothing still worth protecting about themselves now, and they end up going out and starting to sleep with lots of men because they're just craving temporary affections. Don't fall into this trap. One pre-marriage sex partner may be bad where you're from, but I guarantee you that having a dozen partners will feel a whole lot worse to you. A lot of women who have engaged in a whole lot of sex that they regret would give anything just be where you are now.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 April 2008):
Well you can't get your virginity back once it's gone. What you can do is find a man who treasures you so highly that it won't matter to him whether you are a virgin or not. Anyway most guys can't even tell whether they are with a virgin or not. You aren't the only female in your country that has lost her virginity before marriage and you certainly won't be the last. Look to the future and forget the past.
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A
male
reader, Andrew83  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 Well, it doesnt sound so good that you lost it to someone you now regret.
Not much you can do about it now but live on and meet someone better than him.
Your not an idiot or a freak, we all learn from things we do or have done.
Move on and learn from this.
Good luck
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