A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Been married for a long time and have a few kids. Sex drive for me has worn over the years, she can have sex a few times a week, seems like everyday to me. I can go a week or two before Im ready. Everytimbe we do Im always irritated because Im never in the mood, its always too soon. Im always telling her she should masterbate between the times Im ready that way we are both ready around the same time. She always gets madd as she wouldnt think of doing such a thing alone with out me. Even when she climaxes with a vibrator I have to be inside of her or she will not do it, its some kinda psycilogical thing with her.Well last night I fell asleep early, got up and walked in on her with the vibrator, I was half asleep stumbling into the room and picked it up in the corner of my eye, her legs wide open with the vibrator wire strung out across her leg, at first I though COOL!! I didnt want to get her embarased and I didnt want her to stop, and I wasnt sure what to say or do, so I walked straight to the alarm clock to set it for work thinking she would keep going or... well I didnt know what she would do next really. So I then crawled into bed and closed my eyes like I saw nothing. She rolled over and left out the room, came back a couple minutes later and got in to go to sleep. Woke up for work, and we didnt directly talk about it directly but in bits and peaces I hinted around about it and she denies it like as if I didnt see anything.Im ok with it and wish she would do it on her own at least once a week. She acts like its a gross thing and a sin or something. I now wish I would have walked in and went straight up to her and joined in or said something to let her know its ok, that way she for one couldnt deny it, and maybe get her to think it was ok and do it more often. Now shes just denying it.Not sure what to do from here, I would rather her do it with my knowledge than not doing it at all, or not doing it while I know about it. For one its a turn on for me to know she does, and I wish she would do it once a week to balace out our nights that we do have sex and we are doth ready.Any ideas, thoughts, advice how to handle this, what to do or say etc.? I think trying to talk to her straight up about it she will just go into the gross thing and the "I dont do that kinda thing" stuff. She will do it while we are having sex or when its ger turn but I have to be right there and inside of her, and I want that to change.Help! :-)
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female
reader, sweetpeach +, writes (7 March 2010):
What were you thinking? I think she was doing it to turn you on. When you acted as if you saw nothing and,then got in bed. Well you pissed her off. She wanted you to tell her that watching her turned you on..You said nothing and she left. She feels like you no longer desire her sexually and, felt rejected by how you didnt respond. Be the man you were when you were young. In our life today we are so stressed out all the time, we put our energy in work, hobbies, kids we forget to put energy into our realationships, we forget along the way sex can be a fun and exciting thing and, a way to lose all of problems. Get ride of the kids take her to dinner, bring her home, lead her to the bedroom undress her completely put her on the bed, light some candles, turn off the lights. Then pull up a chair at the foot of the bed. Undress yourself, give her the vibrator, sit in the chair at the foot of the bed and, tell her you want to watch her..I bet you wont be able to control yourself.
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (17 January 2010):
 Coz of the situation, it probably would have made her feel better if you had of joined in, or at least stopped, had a look, and encouraged her by telling her what you told us - that it is a turn on.
As it is, I would probably just let that one slide and instead work on getting her to do it again. Better to coax her in to something in future making her comfortable along the way than to make her squirm by trying to get her to confess to something already done that she is already not comfortable about. If you do the latter and insist she admit it, then you are probably not going to leave either of you in a good position to make progress on this.
An idea to encourage her to feel comfortable about it could be when she knows you absolutely have to leave the house very soon (so you can't be roped in to staying for sex) is get her aroused, start using the vibrator on her, and then tell her she knows you have to go but to to continue on with pleasuring herself and you will be thinking about how hot it is when your gone.
Then you could either ring her up a minute later and tell her you cant stop thinking about it, want to listen to her pleasuring herself and encourage her continuing, ..or ring after a little while with a seductive phone call asking if she enjoyed herself and how turned on you have been picturing her doing it.
Bottom line, if you display how much of a turn on it is for you, then not only will she feel more comfortable, but don;t be surprised if you get a call yourself one day with HER telling YOU what she is up to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): well this scenerio is a difficult one because it is the problem of many many people in this age group. from a womans perspective it is very difficult to deal with a out of control sex drive...when we are younger, well we cant satisfy him. he has it at night...he wakes us up wanting it, and thinks it would be good to start the morning out with a quick pop. while a lot of women think every 2 or 3 days is about right. however something changes as we age and all of a sudden we are ready...we want it. a lot of it. and low and behold our man could care less. the same man that wouldnt let us get a decent nights sleep for 20 years now cant stay awake for a 10 minute go. and so the woman starts feeling undesirable and rejected. its a tough place for both of you. encourage the vibrator and if nothing else print this thread out and give it to her and leave her to read it. then go back and discuss it when she's had time to process it and wrap her mind around it. i wish you both the best...i have also found womensinfidelity.com to be very helpful in understanding the changes. a friend sent me the book and i have seen it recommended on this site. mal
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (17 January 2010):
 You two need to spend more time together in a relaxed environment, and get emotionally and physically affectionate all over again. Maybe get make hormone shots. And bring the vibrator along.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): To see her in such a sexy context and outright ignore her? That could have felt almost like an insult. You didn't even have to do anything for yourself if you were tired, it could have been an all-about-her moment. Tell her that you didn't expect it and didn't know how to react, especially that you were half asleep, but that you would like to see some of that again and that now you would know exactly what to do. Then either leave it to her imagination or maybe reveal some of your... plans.
It seems you have somewhat conflicting sex drives so it's really time to start thinking what to do to balance the situation if possible or it will lead to all kinds of frustrations. Maybe something you could do to be in the mood more often (take your mind off work, etc) or help her climax whens he is and you aren't, etc etc. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 January 2010):
I would tell her that you saw what you did, but you'd really like to bring it in to your sex sessions. You're right, this is no big deal. But maybe she's worried that you will judge her, or maybe she feels a bit guilty. I'd just be honest and say you'd really like to bring it into your sex sessions.
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