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female
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anonymous
writes: i feel used and i dunno how 2 trust ppl again, i recently found my ex bf in bed with my ex best mate and her bf in bed with mine but its worse .then it sounds he wasnt sleepin with her at the time he was havin sex with her bf. I never knew he fancied males, been goin out with him for 4 yrs were all 20 yrs of age, he never told me I only found out due 4 the fact i just come back off hoilday a day early 2 surprise him and im the one who got the surprise, they keep sayin this is the first time its happened but i just cant beleive them even if i did. i'v lost all my self esteem. i dont wanna go out of the house as i always see at least 1 of them, i keep gettin texts, fone calls, and emails. sayin they are all sorry but how on earth do u forgive 3 ppl thats closest 2 me. plz help im in a pickle, just need 2 hear help from ppl that dont no me. thanx.
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my ex, self esteem, sex with another, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2006): With friends like these, who needs idiots!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2006): At the end of the day your bf was unfaithful (whether it had been with a girl, guy, friend or stranger). Maybe you are best to get a new bf and a new best friend. They have done the wrong thing - not you. It must be hard at the moment but perhaps in the long run you'll be better of without them.
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A
female
reader, bonnismiles +, writes (27 August 2006):
 to be honest hen leave him if he is intersested in men there is no chance of competing but hold your head up you can do better anyways
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A
female
reader, b3x  +, writes (27 August 2006):
 Hey
I found my best mate in bed with my ex (currently my bf at the time) It ruined me too, I mean come on my BEST MATE with my BF!
But after I saw red and kinda blew up at the scene I finally came to my sense's, considering the fact I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to talk to anyone or anything, I was heart broekn! But you know what it made me a better person, I realsied who my REAL mates were and that my bf was a waste of 3 years of my life!
But were still young, you say your 20 right? I wouldn't let it get to you, you'll come round finally, but only time will heal your wounds, I know as it worked for me. You need your parents to talk with you and give you support, mums are one in a million so talk to her about it, it helps you know!
4 years is a long time to be with someone, I was with mine for 3 so it hurts just that little bit more! But its worse for you as yours is a slightly different situation. The main thing you got to do is get your life back on track, forget out them, they were not your mates and he was a dick basically! You think not going out is doing you any good?
By the looks of it I don't think its the first time it happened, something about me doesn't want to beleive one of your so called mates would expect you to beleive her its only happened once!
Remember this though, would a real mate do something like that to you? You answer is No! Its thier loss now not yours, you've finally been able to see these people for what they are, so consider that as lucky! Don't forgive them, it will say so much about you as a person if you do! (PM me if you want to talk more xx)
Move on honey xx
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (27 August 2006):
 Forgiving doesn't mean you forget. Let go of your bad feelings, your anger, your disappointment, forgive them, then let go of your BF and the lot of them.
Just remember the saying 'fool me once bad on you, fool me twice bad on me'.
Don't stick around for anymore surprises.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): I am commenting solely on the part of your post pertaining to your self-esteem. Please know that your boyfriend's unfaithfulness does not reflect on you. It has to do with something within him. In other words, it is not about you but about him. It is difficult not to take betrayal personally and wonder if it happened because we weren't good enough, etc. That's not the case though. When one is unfaithful, the only thing it makes a statement about is that other person's character and their values. The same holds true for the other people in this mess. It appears all 3 of them are lacking character and values...not because they were enmeshed in some kind of sexual orgy (or whatever the scenario was), but that they all three apparently knew they were doing something behind your back that would hurt you. It does not matter the combination of the sexual relations in the scenario (whether your boyfriend was with the other man, the other female, all of them together, whatever). What does matter is they all 3 made a conscious decision to betray you! Your self-esteem should not suffer because they are characterless slugs.
I am sorry this has happened to you. Good luck.
K**
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A
male
reader, marcezs08 +, writes (27 August 2006):
u dont, if he doesnt love u that much to resist that temptation he doesnt really love u, and plz how could u even think about forgiving him, i no i wouldnt forgive my bf if she did that.
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