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female
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*em88
writes: ive been with my partner a very long time and we have 3 children together.recently i caught him lookking at teenage porn on the web.he denied it then admitted it.hes also been chatting up an ex of his.were each others first.im 21 hes 27 what do i do?i no longer trust him.
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reader, Yos  +, writes (17 May 2006):
 I wouldn't interpret his looking at porn as serious. Most men look at porn at least occassionally, it's only really an issue if you have an issue with it (which you might?), or if it gets out of hand to the degree where it effects your sex lives. Put it this way, it in itself is not a sign of unfaithfulness or that you shouldn't trust him.
Talking to an ex is a different story. You say 'chatting up', so I'm assuming he was flirting / being sexual with her? If that's the case then you need to have a serious conversation with him:
- Set your limits. Is it ok for him to have occassional conversations with exes, as long as there is no flirting, or is it 100% out of bounds? Is it ok for him to look at porn? If so, in what context?
- Tell him clearly that what has happened has effected your trusting him. That he needs to make efforts to rebuild that trust. If he doesn't know how to do this, tell him what you want from him. I'd suggest working on the basics, like clear and regular signs of affection, lots of communication (including when you are apart), and him making an effort to spend quality time with you. If you present this as a way he can make amends, he will hopefully see this as a good opportunity and something constructive and worthwhile.
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