A
female
age
36-40,
*ubblygirl
writes:I honestly don't know where to go from here.My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years and we recently bought a condo together. Long story short, I was moving my stuff in one weekend and needed to use his laptop to check my email when his email popped open (still logged in) and I saw 2 emails in his inbox where he exchanged very sexual discussions with men about doing things and arranging times to meet when "the gf" is not around. Another email was a response to a man's sex request on craigslist. I flipped out and told him it was over and he said those emails don't mean anything but that he is trying to lead these guys on for a joke since they contacted him (somehow) and this is all a big prank and he's perfectly straight. I don't know if I believe him and this is killing me. He deleted his account and said he told me everything but the trust is gone. I'm so disgusted with this I just get mad at him for everything. We were good before this but I'm torn, what do I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Wow, belive it or not im going through the same thing, so i know exactly how you feel, im having trouble sleeping and im stressed to the max.My boyfreind of five years is telling me it was just a fantasy and that hes not into men but that i dont give him enough sex,then he screamed at me that its my fault and why dont i believe him. I think like me, you should examine the situation, was he acting differently before you found the emails? And I dont know if this will help you, but i know alot of gay men who tell me when a straight guy does this its because hes having sexuality issues"closeted" or what have you. I know its hurtfull and you want to punch something, but his sexuaLITY ISSUES ARE NOT YOUR FAULT,
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2011): Gay and closeted...and probably ashamed of it...and probably someone who was sexually abused as a child or adolescent and can't come out and tell anyone.Probably trying to be heterosexual...but failing at it.Bisexual, maybe, but I'd think more likely than not he is gay because he is keeping it hidden from you.Don't be disgusted, be understanding, and he probably needs that more than anything else. Seriously, this is not about you, it is about him, his past, and there is probably a whole book to be written about what you don't know and he won't tell you.Move on, find someone who is OK with their sexuality, and who you are OK with their sexuality as well. This is hard,
...............................
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 Not a prank at all. He's gay and scared to admit and as a result, he's lying to you to cover his insecurity of being dishonest. This is awful. Yes the trust is gone I do agree. It may be time to end this relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 NOT a prank.
He's bi and never told you.
He needed to be honest.
You need to get STD testing and protect yourself.
But I have to ask (cause no one else has) Why did you read his PRIVATE email? I never read my boyfriend's private stuff... or go through his phone or anything like that even though he gives me full access and EXPECTS me to do so. Did something make you suspect there was an issue such as this?
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 October 2011):
 NO way on the face of the earth is this a prank!!!!
He's gay and is using you for cover.
Imagine if you had seen these "very sexual" emails written by him to another woman?? Would you have hesitated in the least bit in calling him out for lying about it being a "prank"?
He's cheating on you, putting you at risk, and he's gay. Drop him *immediately*. He's not only cheating on you, but he's out there farming out anonymous sex with multiple partners. That's highly risky no matter if you're gay or straight.
You need to not only leave him immediately, you need to RUN. Don't have sex with him anymore and get yourself tested for STD's. I'd say the same thing if he were straight and soliciting female prostitutes or having random sex with anonymous women. RUN!
He's not pranking. No one pranks like that. Ever.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): This was not a prank. He is definitely gay or bi and he's using you because he doesn't want to come out as gay. You need to end this relationship completely, move out and get tested for stds, he has lied to you and put your health at risk. Take care.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): Listen carefully what I'm going to tell you: You need to end this relationship and move on ASAP, because he apparently is carrying on some gay relationship behind your back, which is downright a dangerous thing to be doing from a health perspective.......especially with Craigslist coming in to the equation!! People who look for sexual liaisons and cheap thrills on Craiglsist, and other websites, suffer from an addiction, and they are willing to take great risk to fill their cravings. The fact that he uses manipulative tactics by saying that it was all a big prank, thereby making YOU look like the fool for overreacting, doesn't surprise me at all. ***Stick to the rule of common sense: straight men don't partake in sexual email exchanges with gay men regarding meeting up somewhere for a discreet encounter**** It's not hard to figure out.
...............................
|
