| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I just found out that my boyfriend bought a Fleshlight and lied to me about it. I have no problem with him having one, it's not an issue. I do have a problem that he lied about what he got in the mail. I understand he was probably too embarrassed to come out and tell me what it was, but I can't stand being lied to even a little. Should I confront him about it or will it just make it so he won't be able to enjoy the Fleshlight in the future because he'll just think of me telling him I won't stand being lied to?The exact scenario was this: We came into our building and got the mail together, he saw the package and grabbed it up, hiding the label. I asked what it was and he told me it was something his friend had him get for him because his girlfriend doesn't allow him to have a credit card (true story, she's paranoid). Didn't think much of it until we get to the Apt. and he sets the package down label side down. We hop in the shower together and while I'm rinsing the shampoo out I casually asked "so what'd he want you to get anyway?" and he said "oh something from a gaming site." I'm no fool and can read a lie very easily, lack of information and the size of the box was a red flag. Later in the night I hear him opening the box in the other room. See him carry a bathrobe as if he's hiding something in it to the bedroom's bathroom and hear the sink door open/close. I got up to pee in the night and took a peek under the sink and sure enough it was right there. Heard him rustling around this morning and he had moved it to the other bathrooms sink (would be suspicious for him to go in there the night before as we don't really use that bathroom). And here I am now, asking for advice. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 April 2013):
 Most welcome. If your boyfriend wanted you to find it, he'd have announced the purchase or at least been honest when you asked. He hid it under the sink because it seemed, to him, to be an ideal temporary hiding place. Not because he subconsciously wanted to be caught. If the vibrator isn't a big deal to you, then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. The information he withheld wasn't the sort you needed to make an important life decision. If there is nothing else about the relationship that causes you concern (and if there was you'd have mentioned it) then I would assume he was just embarrassed. Let him come to you about it when he's ready. Best of luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): Thanks for the quick responses. I've decided to not say anything. Might just reinforce how I feel about honesty in a few days.
As for "hunting" or "rifling" we've lived together for nearly a year now and a sink certainly isn't personal. I don't snoop about his drawers or anything unless I'm putting away laundry. If anything it seems he's hiding things where he wants me to find him. I keep my floss under the sink right next to where he put it the first time and under the other sink is the hair dryer which he also knows I'm going to need today...
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (18 April 2013):
If you have no problem with your boyfriend owning a personal sex toy, then there is no reason to make an issue out of it or a spectacle of him.
If you want people to be honest with you then you must earn their trust as well. And you don't earn it simply by not telling lies. You earn it by not pressing for details they're not yet ready to share and by not sneeking about when they're not looking hoping to catch them in a lie.
You said yourself, you supected it was something of that nature because of the subtle labelling on the package and the fact that your boyfriend didn't volunteer any information. You chose to ignore that clue and press on anyway. That your boyfriend felt compelled to hide the item and then move it to another spot shows he doesn't completely trust you either. He obviously suspected you'd hunt about for it and if he thought he could trust you not to rifle through his sock drawer he probably would have kept it there.
Seems he's not the only one who needs to earn trust here.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 April 2013):
 I would just sit him down and tell him;" look I don't care that you got yourself a flesh-light, but I would appreciate that you don't LIE to my face in the future" "I would LIKE to be able to feel like I can trust you. "Now if you don't want to tell me what was in the box, just tell me it's personal and I will respect that".He properly thought you would be upset so he lied to not make YOU and HIMSELF feel weird. NOT that it is a good excuse, but I can see his side of it too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): To be honest with you I wouldn't bring it up with him, While being lied to isn't nice I think this is perhaps a fairly understandable lie, he was simply too embarassed, and was also caught on the spot, who in the world would want to just blurt out what was really in the package?Confronting him would just make him more embarrassed, also bear in mind some people's first reaction to being embarrassed like that would be anger, then you may up in a fight that is ultimately unnecessary.Just rest assured that it was a white lie, for which you are aware of the reason behind.
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