A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I moved to a new town just over a year ago. When I first got there I met someone and we became friends. After a couple of months, we started dating and I fell in love. The only problem was that I wasn't fair to this person. Before I left home, I made promises to another person b/c they were going through a rough time. This person was also going to be moving to a foreign country for school and I didn't want them to be alone. I agreed to be in a relationship with them even though I don't love them in that way. The other person that I got involved with when I moved here sensed something was wrong, and I continued to lie to them. They recently found out about the other relationship, and broke up with me. They said, however, that they did want us to remain friends as we were always friends first. My problem is that I don't know what to do. I love this person, but don't want to leave the other person alone, especially when they are in a foreign country when they have no friends or family. I also feel very guilty for what I have done, and when my ex and I get together, I feel confused and very guilty and I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (23 February 2009):
 The worst thing to do is to be in a relationship based on pity. I know how you must feel, like the weight of this person's world and happiness rests solely on your shoulders, but you are not responsible for their attitude. If your friend who moved to another country still has not managed to make a social life and find a way to make themselves happy, then you need to let that dead weight go.
My advice, let them go, and then be up front to your ex about your motives and feelings. Worst case, you two stay friends. Best case, they realize you are a good person who just took on more than you could handle, and they come back to you.
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