A
female
 ,
*uzzie
writes:Why would a guy stay in a bad marriage? My friend is married to a woman who has two grown kids from previous marriage. Both her kids are herion addicts and have stolen money from him. He and his wife have nothing in common and she is ten years older than him. They are always fighting and people say they are like oil and water. They have no children together so I know he's not staying for that reason.
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female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (9 January 2006):
he stays because they have a strong bond and he is afraid to dip his toe in the unknown waters of life. She may be the wife from hell but she looks after his needs and he takes comfort from the knowledge that she puts up with all his foibles.
Dont believe what people tell you as what goes on in a marriage is totally different to what outsiders see. People stay with each other for a variety of reasons and unless he has publically stated he is unhappy with her, its best to turn a blind eye to his life and how he runs it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): Love???? if you love someone it can make you take and deal with things you normally wouldnt stand for..this isnt your relationship and this isnt your feelings in the relationship..this is something this couple have to deal with together themselves no-one else..unless your friend is in danger or something like that stay out of it til he comes to you for your help..there is only so much anyone can do while the person doesnt want the help all you will do is have him push you away to the point he wont feel he can come to you if he should ever need to.
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A
reader, schlottjl  +, writes (15 October 2005):
 My question is why do you care. If you wish he would be with you instead, or if you are good friends and he complains to you, perhaps there is more than one side to the story. When we are attracted, every woman the guy has ever been with is the cause of all the problems. Right, that is an illusion. It always takes two- even if one just sits there and takes it. There is never one person who is innocent- ever. If you are attracted to him, assume he needs chaos in order to be "at home" in the relationship.
If you are only a concerned friend, support what ever decision he makes with a non-judgemental attitude (so long as all are safe.) Even if you feel justified, assume you can't know it all and don't jepordize your friendship since he will always choose her over you. He vowed to after all.
Finally, if it bothers you or lingers with you after he tells a story, try to remove that negative energy from your day by either asking him questions that help explore why he needs her particular brand of drama (and he sickly does if he has put up with it... it even could be the reason he is with her!) Or change the subject by stating that you can't continue to envolve yourself with bashing his wife since he is choosing to remain in the union. Tell him things can change even if only one person decides to do something differently.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2005): Comfort, convenience, committment? Who knows why he stays in this marriage..it is not best for anyone to judge their marriage but themselves. Hun, it could be any number of reasons. We don't know beans from barley corn when it comes to the actions of anybody but ourselves. You are an outsider looking in-you see this as a horrible marriage. But those are your own feelings, thoughts and opinions. They are 'actually' living the relationship and no one but them knows the real inside scoop on their marriage challenges/difficulties. Obviously, something is working if they are making it work in spite of some family difficulties and their own individual personality conflicts. Although they seem to have problems, perhaps they have a lot of committment. Stable marriages don't just happen, they're the result of a lot of darn, hard work on the part of both people .. work to communicate, work to share, work to grow and allow the other to grow as well, work to be flexible, and so forth. It takes quite a bit of effort.
This question may be better answered by your friend, dear. But I would strongly suggest staying out of it. It's none of your business. The best thing you can do as a friend is remain neutral and just "be there" should anything go wrong, with this couple. Your friend may need to lean on you, someday but in the meantime, keep being supportive and caring to your friend and respect his life choices. Take care.
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 October 2005):
 People stay married for all kinds of reasons but it's always THEIR business not anybody else's. If this is just a friend then be there if he needs someone to talk to but if you are thinking about more than friendship you are WAY out of line.
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A
female
reader, paigero +, writes (14 October 2005):
How long have they been married? It could be they are staying for the companionship. I am in a relationship that hasn't been good for a long time, but we stayed together because it was our "comfort" zone and financially difficult to get out of a jointly owned home.
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