A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:So, here's the deal. I'm 25 years old and I have NO friends. I find it very difficult to make freinds... and all the more difficult to keep the friends I manage to make. I am very quiet most of the time. I make no effort to make small talk with people. I don't smile much. I don't participate in any social gatherings. And it's not like I miss having friends or anything. I never had and I don't know what it is like to have real good friends... what that means and how it's supposed to feel. I think I've just come to accept it that I will not have friends all my life and I'm just fine with the idea. But, I still do wonder...In all my life, I've had just 4 good friends and at some point in time or another, I never made the effort to keep in touch with them when I switched jobs or moved places and eventually lost touch with them. I never missed them either. Sometimes I have this obsessive need to be alone. During those times I do not like anyone around me. I guess a few times I may have offended my pals. And another thing is that I get very judgemental about people. And I'm assuming that Rule #1 in friendship is to not judge people and accept them the way they are... I never got myself to do that. I guess it is true... to be able to have a friend, you must be one. One of these 4 girls that came close to being my best friend is a very mean person. She was a very good friend to me. But, she was a bit** otherwise. She cheated on her b.f., lied to him a lot, bitches about her other friends to me, uses people for money, made me lie to her b.f. for her... and a lot of such cheap things... After her, I realized if this is what people keep friends for, then it's just NOT worth it and I'm definitely better off than have such people around. I mean, why do I have to keep up with such double standards?? I get along famously with boys. I've also seen that people love my company. I make very good first impressions. I'm attractive, successful... then what's the problem??
View related questions:
best friend, cheap, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bobbyjo  +, writes (13 May 2006):
 Firstly, you must admit to yourself that this problem does bother you and upset you a little because you wouldnt be sharing it on here with us if it didnt. You say that you have accepted the fact that you wont ever have friends and you are not bothered, but if you go around with that belief about yourself then you will subconsciously push people away from you making it hard to make friends.
I have to tell you that I was exactly like you a couple of years ago. I was a very gloomy person, never used to smile much and hated making small talk with people. I also craved time on my own and would sometimes go for days without answering my phone or seeing anybody. All the friends I had slowly drifted away and I dont blame them - who would want to hang around with such a moody person? In the end, I spoke to a relative who is also a doctor and she told me I may have depression and anti-social disorder. I began to see a specialist and got help and now I feel so much better. I now have friends again but I wouldnt call them good friends.
Also, I dont know how to define a good friend. Most girls I know have been so bitchy, slept with there friends boyfriends, used there friends, dropped there friends, and I truly believe that if we all knew what our friends did and said and did behind our backs then we wouldnt have friends at all.
My friends are like what I have described above but I dont see them as good friends, I just go out with them as 'partying friends' really. A good friend I say would be someone who has known me for years and I can confide in about anything. But for some people that is very rare to have.
Feeling like you have no friends can be a very horrible and lonely feeling thats why I always share my worries with my family and partner as they are the ones that will be there for me at the end of the day.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2006): Well I can't pinpoint your 'problems' publically... That sounds strange. Well for one, the whole thing about judging others, etc - I don't quite believe in that. Friend and foe, having an opinion of someone and/or the things they do, represent, etc is a part of every day life. If people can't accept that, then that's really their problem. Of course, there is tact when dealing with friends (un)fortunately.
Keeping in touch is a hard thing for me to do as well. I have a career that requires my attention, and a family that sucks up most of my other 'free' time. Then again, I have a handful of very close friends whom I consider my brothers and sisters. The thing is, it is also about experience through friendship. I share an affinity with them, been through quite a few things as well. So what keeps us together isn't how often we talk to each other. It's how much of a connection we have towards each other.
If u wish, I can share with u, or u can share with me ur issues pertaining. Just give me a PM if you wish.
...............................
A
female
reader, Confuddled +, writes (11 May 2006):
 you seem like a depressing person... everything that you have just said answered your own question... you have to become a positive thinker and you could be friends with anyone that you wanted... have good self-esteem but not too much and be nice to people... you have to try and change the reasons that you just mentioned... they are unhealthy... you could have many friends if you try and you will love it... you do not want bad friends either... say hi to anyone on the street and try to be happy... i have been through a lot in my life.. i really have... i am 18 and it is really hard... i always have to be positive or think about suicide... i have many friends and I have so-so self-esteem... but I like to talk to people.. it makes me happier... it highlights my day when someone is nice to me because i am nice to them even after what i have been through... be nice to everyone and just try to enjoy yourself... you only live once... good luck... i hope i am of help to you!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Confuddled +, writes (11 May 2006):
you seem like a depressing person... everything that you have just said answered your own question... you have to become a positive thinker and you could be friends with anyone that you wanted... have good self-esteem but not too much and be nice to people... you have to try and change the reasons that you just mentioned... they are unhealthy... you could have many friends if you try and you will love it... you do not want bad friends either... say hi to anyone on the street and try to be happy... i have been through a lot in my life.. i really have... i am 18 and it is really hard... i always have to be positive or think about suicide... i have many friends and I have so-so self-esteem... but I like to talk to people.. it makes me happier... it highlights my day when someone is nice to me because i am nice to them even after what i have been through... be nice to everyone and just try to enjoy yourself... you only live once... good luck... i hope i am of help to you!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (11 May 2006):
 You are not the only one lots os people are in the same situation as you. You can make friends by joining a club or do do an evening class.
So there are lots of things you can do to make friends. its that simple
...............................
|
