A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 26 years old and have been dating my current boyfriend for over 2 years. We had a long distance relationship for most of our time together and started living together a year ago. Since moving in together, the relationship has gotten too comfortable, boring. He only wants to stay in the house and is not interested in going out and meeting new people. I am an extrovert and he is an introvert. I thought that our personalities complimented each other, but now I don't know, we are so different. We almost never have sex anymore, once a month perhaps. We have discussed this and I have told him I want him to initiate sex more and not always play the submissive role. Every time we have sex it is because I start it and it is really bothering me being the one with all of the power and control. I want to feel wanted and sexy.2 months ago I met this guy who has mutual friends. I have been inexplicably attracted to him since I met him. I get nervous when he's around and feel flustered like I am in high school. One night about a month ago (alcohol was involved) a bunch of us were partying and we ended up fooling around (no sex). It was one of the most amazing sexual experiences I have had. He gave me everything I wanted. I have never cheated on anyone in my life and think that it's horrible. But the worst part about this, is I cannot stop thinking about this new guy. I don't want to break up with my boyfriend to date him. But if I am having all these feelings for this new person, does that mean that I should not be with my boyfriend? Is it really possible to have feelings for more than one person at a time? It have never happened to me before. I know I should tell my boyfriend about this. If I did not have feelings for this new guy I think I would. But because of the way I feel, because I am more sexually attracted to this new person than I am to my boyfriend, I can't tell him. I'm torn and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend loves me but he is not giving me what I need. I am now growing lustfully obsessed with this new person and it is interfering with my life and sanity.I need some advice...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for taking the time to respond. I am currently still in my relationship, and it is still rocky. But I did forget all about the lusty other guy and am seeing a therapist to try to help me deal with some of my relationship issues. Thanks again.
A
female
reader, lovelife1437  +, writes (5 January 2010):
Hold off on this new guy for a minute and let's focus on your current relationship. It's either you talk to your boyfriend about your boring situation or take a break/break up. Would it be possible for you not to live with the boyfriend at the moment because most couples that live together before marriage/children do end up very bored because you get too comfortable and everything becomes a routine. Since you're an extrovert and he's an introvert, being together in the same house all the time will become an issue when you want to go out/meet people and he doesn't care too much about it/or not comfortable with it. Work things out with the boyfriend first/tell him how you've been feeling exactly and then consider your next step depending on the result of your discussion with boyfriend. It's not going to get any better if you prolong this situation especially when you're thinking of this other guy. You never know, maybe the boyfriend will step up if he sees that you're frustrated but he wouldn't know unless you tell him. Good Luck! :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): I know that new is exciting-- it is not everyday when a certain someone clicks with you and you feel that attraction almost instantly. I hadn't felt that way in years because I have been married for over a decade, but last year I met someone who made me feel that way- we eventually acted on it, and the times we were together gave me feelings I forgot I could have. I realized that stopping the affair did not stop the attraction- I still feel flustered and almost speechless when I see him or think about him-- I too can't get it out of my mind. As for feeling this way about 2 people-- you don't. You feel one way about your boyfriend and an entirely different way about this other guy-- that is why you can't stop thinking about it. Yes, we would all like to have our cake and eat it too, but not exactly possible. The reality of it is that part of the excitement for both of you is that it is wrong-- a strong connection, yes. But would it be strong if readily available. Also, you are not married so don't feel too bad-- I guess do what you want while you can and if this boyfriend doesn't seem right move on or you'll marry him and end up like me-- still thinking about another man I can't be with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): You should stop seeing the other guy. Explain to your boyfriend that you want things to change, and give him an ultimatum. I can not cast stones. However, I am stating the obvious in saying that what you are considering is wrong. Try and fix things with your boyfriend first (you owe that to him, just as he would to you.) If that does not pan out, you might need to end the relationship.
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