A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I have an embarrassing problem. I can't stop playing with myself. I've been been doing it since I was 4. preschool. I figured out it was bad when I was that little because I got caught all the time and was sent to the prayer room.we have a prayer room in our house. Anyway I learned to be quiet when I was nine and only did it a few times a week. By ten I learned what it was for and why it was bad and I was embarrassed.At 11 my dad hired a "visitor" once in awhile and I heard them. I even sneak watched one shower when I was supposed to be sleeping. I found some movies when I was 13. Dad knew it but didn't say anything as long as I watched in my room. By then I was 13 and up to three times a day. I joined a church at 14 and stopped watching after I heard a sermon on lust. I've been trying so hard, I haven't looked at that stuff in six months but I keep falling. I just use my imagination now but I'm up to six times a day. I've tried multiple times to quit touching myself but I only last two weeks and I literally end up in pain and I have to do it. I literally think I'm losing my mind. I can't talk to my pastor or dad about this. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2020): I'm the one who wrote in.
I should have said that my parents are divorced but they live in the same suburb. My mom is the one with the prayer room my dad is the one with the visitors
My mom is Catholic but I don't go to her church anymore because my weekends are with dad. I joined a Baptist Church because someone came by with a tract and talked to me.
I hope that makes sense
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 May 2020):
 Well your story certainly illustrates one point. No use having a prayer room if you are going to hire a "visitor".
Thanks for sharing. It has a value to the community.
As far as advice, you probably need counseling, with an emphasis on addiction recovery, but also some help for Childhood sexual trauma. Check with your school counseling office, or public health department.
If you can't talk to your pastor about this, What good is he?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2020): Like you, but at age 95 and a fully functioning widower, I still do IT, too.
I am also a Christian believer, and like the man who first replied wrote you, it's perfectly ok, normal, and NOT against any specific command in our Bible. Keep it private, though.
Another thought: throughout life, be safe and do all things in moderation--not to excess! Enjoy life and best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2020): It's not unusual at your age. People are going to be very critical of using "religion" to create "guilt." God doesn't want people to feel guilty; and it isn't God who creates guilt in people. Guilt comes from a place of darkness; to upset people, and turn them away from God. By believing He imposes too many restrictions and hard rules we can't live-up to. Don't feel bad thinking God is disappointed in you; because He is not. He is loving and forgiving; and expects us to make mistakes as a child, and because you're only human.
Prayer helps, but you're now at an age where you're growing and your hormones are raging. It's natural for boys to touch themselves almost involuntarily; because it's pretty sensitive down there. There's a lot going-on around you to remind you; and you even have access to porn. That will make touching yourself all the more habitual.
First, stop feeling bad about it. It becomes more tempting when you focus on all the reasons it's wrong; because suddenly it becomes something constantly on your mind. It's natural, and you'll find yourself doing it almost without thinking; because as you grow older you're discovering more about sexual-sensation and becoming more aware of your manhood. You just can't do it openly in-front of people. It's private, and doing it publicly can get you into trouble. Luckily, that's not the case!
There is nothing wrong with praying; but understand that God knows your heart, and realizes you would rather not do it so much. Guilt has a way of keeping things you want to stop doing on your mind; and it suddenly becomes something you can't stop doing. Here's a way to help you get your mind off your privates. Go buy yourself a sketch-pad and pencils; or get yourself a hobby kit that really requires concentration and skill. Get your mind busy and focused on using your hands for drawing, putting together a model kit, or keeping a journal of your thoughts. No matter what they are. When your hands are busy doing something, and your mind has to concentrate on something that requires skill, dexterity, and focus; you have a distraction that pulls your mind away from your habits.
Cold showers sometimes work; but as soon as you're out of the shower, the thoughts comeback. That means you need to get busy doing something you like to do besides that.
You worry about it too much, and you feel that its so wrong; you can't take your thoughts away from it. Habits are like that. Just be sure not to do things like that in public or in-front of other people. Put your hands in your back pockets when you feel an urge coming-on.
Don't worry, there is nothing wrong with you. Most boys do what you do, and we eventually grow out of it; and we learn to control it better. In most cases, you just get tired of the habit; and you'll stop eventually anyway. You'll discover girls; but that's not all they're for.
Don't worry, my young friend; God isn't angry with you, and just the fact you know it's something you don't always want to do, you'll just decide you don't need to do it all the time.
Be patient with yourself, and don't let "religion" push guilt on you. That's not how God feels about you, it's how "people" make you think He feels. He's kind and loving; and understands our human weaknesses. You have to learn self-control, or what is called "impulse-control." You set your mind to stop, and no matter how hard it is you keep trying. You don't feel bad or be angry with yourself; because you will fail. The point is to do it less; so don't set your goal to stop. Just to be able to control it when you don't want to. Go easy, don't be rough on yourself. I mean that in a funny way too!
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