A
male
age
51-59,
*linky1234
writes:I have recently split up with my girlfriend and asked her why. Her excuse was to many late nights. I said what do you mean? Her reply was I can't sleep if your not in bed with me. I Replied with twice I went to the liver room to watch tv as she kept tossing and turning. I have never stopped her going to bed on her own as I can't always go to sleep at 8,9,10,11 or 12 pm. She has said in the past that she doesn't mind me watching tv in bed as she can fall asleep. I'm always up before her. I'm just a person that does not need 8-12 hrs sleep a day. She has always known this about me. Can anyone answer what I did wrong? Is it me or some silly excuse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2020): My friend, she wants to breakup with you...and that's that.
If you've gone all out of your way to cater to her inflated insecurities; and she drops you for the reason she gave. Then she apparently doesn't love you as much as you think you love her. I am sorry to say. You can only do so much for people, and then there is too much. Love doesn't require you to kill yourself proving things to people.
My friend, this is the best description of what love is that I know:
"4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. 5 It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged."
1 Corinthians 13: 4-5
If she isn't over her past, she isn't ready for her future. You didn't beat her or abuse her. It's not your responsibility to undo what some other guy did to her.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (25 May 2020):
She dumped you. Forwhatever reason she has chosen not to share those reasons with you. Maybe she found someone else or maybe she decided you weren’t the right guy for her. The reason is irrelevant. The fact is she is gone.
You can sit around stewing over it, asking strangers for advice or you can accept the facts. Take time to grieve the loss it will take awhile but get on with your life. Pursue your hobbies take up a new one, hang out with your friends or try to cultivate new ones.
Beating yourself up and asking yourself what you did wrong is a mugs game. It will net you nothing.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 May 2020):
 I feel you are right when you suggested that rather than you doing something wrong this is just a "silly excuse".
She wanted to break up and has used this as the easiest way to do it …. as for her real reasons only she knows.
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A
male
reader, Blinky1234 +, writes (25 May 2020):
Blinky1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHer past is she has been beaten, abused and lied to. I have gave her access to everything. So if she wishes to check she can. I don't use any device unless she's there and if she's not I leave it with her. If I go out to the shops I leave it at home. She has checked my devices as she has told me. It's totally confused me as everything seemed perfect. Well apart from the constant use of her phone. Am I right in thinking I was not seeing what was going on or was I blind to the fact I was so in love with her?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 May 2020):
 I also think that this is an excuse, the "best" one she could think of to end it and "softly" as possible.
For some sleeping in the same bed with someone makes for a restless night, even someone they have shared a bed with for a long time. Others get used to having someone else in bed. So it CAN be that she didn't ever get to that spot where having you around but not sleeping next to her made her uncomfortable or less likely to get a good night sleep.
This was her reason, so you can really only do one thing, accept it for what it is.
While she MIGHT have had many other reasons too, this is the one she chose.
As far as what you did wrong - we can't tell you that. You will have to take some time and go over the relationship and the break up to figure out WHERE you can do some self improvement.
And the next woman you meet and date might not have the same "demands" as this one.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2020): She wanted to break up and that lame excuse was all she could come up with without hurting your feelings. You did nothing wrong you just weren't the right guy for her.
Let it go and move on.
Remember a reasonably fit healthy guy in your age group especially if you're interested in a relationship is a valuable commodity.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2020): I would speculate she has some other reasons, and she simply used the one that tops the list; because it's humane, and at the same-time minimizes any rebuff or argument. Sometimes people have more on their minds than they care to say; but they will use whatever tops their list and requires the least explanation. You can't argue the fact that you get out of bed in the middle of the night; so that sticks! I assure you, she has more on her mind than she wants to admit; or she has complained to you dozens of times, and you've dismissed it. Anything else you need to know; you'll have to read her mind.
I think it's an odd reason for an adult. I can understand a child who's afraid of the dark.
Sometimes you're suspected of watching (or masturbating to) porn, scrolling through dating sites, checking-out females on social media, or chit-chatting/messaging with other women through the night. If she doesn't trust you, and can't keep an eye on you; she may assume you're up to no-good; or you don't enjoy being close to her. Perhaps you give her a feeling of security when she knows you're right next to her; and none of the above runs through her mind.
If you've been together for three years, or more, and it seems there will be no marriage-proposal in the near-future; she's given-up, and would rather just let you go.
If you've done anything in the past that you haven't been fully forgiven for; or she checks your devices, and found anything unsavory in your search history...you're busted! If you have a rocky past, she simply doesn't trust you; and if you're not where she can keep an eye on you, she'd rather be-gone with you.
I think it is safe to say the relationship has run its course; and maybe she feels she's ready to move on. No need pushing for more answers; because I would assume her mind is made up, and you'd only be all the more frustrated if you press her for reasons. She's done!
Honestly, if someone feels the need to breakup with you; "why" doesn't really matter, if they no longer wish to be with you. Being unable to sleep, because you're not there seems pretty lame to me; but if it's that easy to fall out of love, I think this has been a long-time coming!
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