A
male
age
41-50,
*vcrzymac101
writes:Right now I am currently married. The relationship has fizzled out the last few years. For the past 2 and a half years I have been having sex with this girl Jamie. Shes my age and has a daughter. The problem is that she is got a nice body but she is very rough on the face. I'm not physically attracted to her on her looks but I keep having sex with her constantly. I try to break it off, but I always go back to her because shes always willing to go whenever i call or text her. In some ways I feel guilty because she has become totally in love with me and knows about my situation. I want to end it gently without her becoming a crazy bitch. I mean the sex is good with her and I'm not having sex with my wife, but i keep trying to tell her that I dont love her and i'm just using her for sex and she still wants a relationship. Should I just keep having sex with her and using her for as long as she wants? Is there anyone else out there having sex with an ugly girl and secretly enjoys it?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 August 2011):
 Your wife definitely is prettier than the other one yet you don't want sex with her, so I wonder what kind of problem you could have.
When you are dealing with a fling, people can say whatever they want, such as they want a relationship, then don't want one the next day, then you wonder if they say what they mean and the uncertainty keeps the whole thing going on. People are not just f machines, we have feelings, we get attached somehow so we better stop fooling ourselves.
Really, if you can tell us why the relationship fizzled then we can tell you whether to work on the marriage or get a divorce. What steps have you taken to understand your relationship with your wife better?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): As with all infidelity, the place to start is with the marriage.Work on the marriage, either fixing it, or ending it.The relationship with the other woman is not the issue.You are using her, that is clear, she wants a relationship, but you don't, that is clear.So, what do you want?Could it be that you are using her because she makes you feel superior because you feel you are better than her, more attractive, and she is lucky to have you shag her?"Shes my age and has a daughter."More likely than not, and I don't know her, but I'll just speculate, she is just wanting someone to love her for herself, and love her daughter, and she doesn't realize you are a total asshole who only gives a shit for himself because you tell her other things that make her think she has a chance to have someone love her out of this relationship.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (5 August 2011):
 i understand, you and the wife are living separate lives then. if you really want to get back on track with her you need to be using your time and energy on working on that, not on ****ing someone else! the chances of reconciliation will be absolutely zero if your wife discovers what you have been up to AND there is a pretty good chance of this happening because that girl seems infatuated with you. the more you use her the more she will want to cause trouble for you.
be kind to her. leave her alone to get on with her life and hopefully meet a single guy who can give her the love she needs. stop going to her. i will give you a little lesson in human anatomy now OP, your body is controlled by your BRAIN, not your PENIS. you are not an animal who has no control over itself are you? - there is no such thing as 'can't stop having sex with someone' that's ludicrous mate
x
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A
male
reader, nvcrzymac101 +, writes (5 August 2011):
nvcrzymac101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am only around for the kids we are not dating each other as far as the wife thing goes. She does her thing and I do mine. eventually i'd like to get back with the wife but i dont see it happening.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): You don't want to admit that even though her face isn't 'pretty', she still does something for you. She clearly does, if you keep going back to her. And I don't think it is just because she is available. There IS an attraction between the two of you, and there is a bond. She is honest enough to admit it. You aren't, because you wouldn't want her in 'real life', because ... you would be ashamed to admit it.
This is a horrible situation. And we haven't even considered your wife in all of this yet. But to be honest, the person of course whose feelings you should be thinking about are those of the single mother whose life you are a big big part of, and who you don't have the heart to accept.
This is just so sad. If she is good enough to sleep with, she should be good enough to be with. Simple.
But of course you aren't going to man up to all of this. You're going to keep it on with her until such point as it doesn't suit you, and then you will ruin her life yet further. I just wish she could get out of this, but she won't.
What's the point of giving you advice you won't take? We can't change your character here. My honest advice would be to admit the bond between you and get over her being not as pretty as you want. The only way she will be happy is if she has you, now. The only way your wife will be happy is, by the sound of it, without you. So go be with the one you like having sex with.
I told you you wouldn't follow my advice ... !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): I hope this girl is writing in somewhere about an ugly married man she cannot resist.......Its a toxic situation - grow a pair and sort out your life, so your wife and this girl can sort out theirsI have a feeling you will not put off the lover easily though
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (4 August 2011):
 P.S Also i hope you realize how wrong and cruel your actions have been, to take andvantage of someone in that way is a really horrible thing to do. I hope you realize the extent of your actions, and do not do things like this in the future again. As playing with someone's heart is terrible, you may just be using her for sex but she is a human being not a doll. Don't be so selfish in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): i love your honesty! Why not sit down and tell her again it's not going anywhere. It's a bit unfair of you in a way to keep leading her on though. Try talking to your wife about your marriage,and try to have sex with her,and see how you get on. X
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): I am a male like you but I am really ashamed at your selfishness. Obviously the girl being ugly and with baggage cannot get anyone to date her and she must be very lonely. You are simply taking advantage of her. But be careful of her fury one day. She could very well get very desperate and kill you.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (4 August 2011):
First of all "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" and you must find her somewhat attractive because you're able to shag her. There is no way that you can end this with her and her not being a crazy bitch about it, you have played with her heart and made her beleive that you love her. She is ovbiously a bit of a mug for willing to meet you anywhere for sex and not seeing the true side that you just wanted somewhere to blow your load and leave. But if she does not get much affection then she may just be trying to cling on to what she has even if it isn't much. Continuing to have sex with her would be an extremely cruel thing to do, as she ovbiously isn't aware that you're just using her and it will make her even more deluded that you love her and in some ways she might know you are using her for sex but she could just be trying to ignore the hard truth. Sorry to say , there is no way you can really tell her that you were using her for sex the whole time and her to be perfectly calm about it, and even if you don't tell her now she will work it out for herself evenutally.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (4 August 2011):
so you're the one who calls and she agrees to have sex with you whenever you contact her? she is not actively pursuing you? if you really want to stop having sex with her the answer is simple. delete her phone number. the marriage must have died already so why not end it and make a fresh start? you got children with your wife?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 August 2011):
 Three Billy Goats Gruff
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (4 August 2011):
The guilt and the lies are far more uglier. Find out why your relationship fizzled out and see what can be done. Your last question, yes, there are weird fetishes that's why there is all kinds of porn on the net. For God's sake if you are not having sex with your wife for over a year then what are you doing with each other? It's not that hard getting laid, just do the right thing, divorce, so you can give yourself a piece of mind. Then no one cares who you are screwing.
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