A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend 5 years ago, when he lost his wife to breast cancer. We hit it off and I thought we were best friends, I've never been closer to anyone in my life. I have two children of my own and he had two small children as well. We dated for a while, and I did everything I could to make his children (our children) feel comfortable and loved. I even moved into a larger home to accomidate our now larger family. He came to me one day and told me that his sister in florida had cancer and he had to fly out to see her right away...he did...I later found out that he went to see another woman and had an affair, that he tried to say his sister set up ...they do not speak to this day..as far as I know...Long story short I forgave him. Not just for the kids but because I loved him that much....time went on and I found out this past mothers day that he cheated again...this time the woman has a baby..I think the baby is his..I no longer take his calls..I know it sounds crazy but even after all of this I don't how to get over him...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): You haven't given any dates but how long it takes very much depends on the situation, not a helpful answer really but it is true. First, you are not in the slightest crazy, every thought and feeling you are experiencing is normal and right for what you are going through.
It sounds like maybe you are doing the right thing by deciding to not give this man another chance. Who knows what has brought him to this place where he lies and cheats, perhaps the death of his wife changed his perception of life so much that he no longer feels he wants to commit to one women again, perhaps he never really got over her death and was hurting deep down himself?
You ask how you get over a cheating partner, the ultimate is to come to a point of forgiveness. It's when, you can think about what he has done to you and it won't hurt any more. You accept things for how they happened and you no longer bare any negative feelings towards that person.
That might sound impossible right now, but it will happen eventually. It will get easier, and you will notice it every now and again as it does.
One of the best immediate things you can do is to consciously make a decision in your head. Are you deciding that you wish to move on from this man and that things are over between you both? When you can answer that, you will start on the healing process of putting your life back together. Different people cope with heartache in different ways, some put all their energies in to work, others in to family. Some put it in to themselves. What is best is to find something that can help focus your attention on to other things. These things will help you remember that your life has a future and that there are happy days that await you; happier than you've ever experienced for and that itself is enough motivation to keep getting through these difficult times. Do not loose sight of this; that pain in the present does not mean pain in your future.
In your life, right from childhood, you experienced things that hurt you and upset you, things that played on your mind and kept you up all night thinking. I'm sure none of those past memories plague your mind in the now, although at the time you couldn't have imagined that you'd forget about those events, and similarly this painful experience with this man will eventually come to pass so that it too becomes an almost forgotten memory.
You don't know how you will get over him but, if you can, just hold the thought knowing that even though you don't know how to get over him, nevertheless you will get over him, and that in the future, when you're ready, great things await you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): Hi love
From experience it took me a good few years to trust again, and when i met my man even a few months down the line in this relationship it was hard, I was only married just under a year and at that time he was my life but i didnt hesitate to throw him out, Ive never regretted that part. The hurt was a pain i still cannot explain you will no what i mean hun, you will get over it in time, and life will get better i really feel for you as i no just how you are feeling right now.
Give it time love i do hope life gets much better for you soon.
Much love and take care xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): It takes a long time!It did for me.I couple of years before you can trust again.I don't know if a private counciler can help with this,but it couldn't hurt!Good luck!
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