A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 and considered very attractive and nice but I can't seem to get the kind of boyfriend I would like. If I am out at a club, a party or whatever, the only kind of guys that hit on me are the really outgoing, overly confident ones or the really undesirable ones (extremely overweight, very unattractive etc). And even when guys like that talk to me, I'm still nice, not like some pretty girls that use their looks as an excuse to be mean. I do not understand why I have so much trouble getting an average looking, nice guy to talk to me/ask me out. I tried a dating site and had the same results. I took the initiative and messaged an average looking guy that seemed nice and we dated for a bit. I asked him why he never contacted me first and he said he didn't think he'd have a chance with someone like me. I'm pretty shy, but I do all the things that they say to do, like smiling and looking approachable etc. so what am I doing wrong? Its' hard for me to make the first move for fear of being rejected so what else can I do? What should I put on the dating site to let guys know that just because I'm pretty doesn't mean I'm some stuck up princess and I am approachable?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): That's the joys of being very beautiful OP, the average guy is going to be intimidated by that. Only guys with real balls are going to make any kind of effort with you. Ugly guys have nothing to lose because they never get attention so they'll approach you and well arrogant guys think they can have you so they do too.
OP average guys mainly go for average women. On your Internet dating profile I bet all your pics are of you looking stunning, the nicest angle for your profile pic, some pics of you dressed up and out with your friends etc. You'd think that would be the best choice but it's not.
You want to look approachable to be approachable OP. Normal every day pictures of you just doing normal things with maybe one pic of you dressed up out will help tonnes.
I have one friend loves internet dating, she has two profiles on the same site. One with pics of her looking amazing, she's quite beautiful and she uses that for fun because she gets lots of hilarious pervy messages and cheesy chat up lines.
The other she only has pictures of her wearing glasses, frumpy clothing, hair tied up with almost no make-up on and that's the one she uses to find average guys to date. When she does go on a date then, they're blown away by how gorgeous she is when not hidden beneath glasses and a beanie etc.
The others are right though OP, clubs and parties are shit places to find guys when you're hot. Being hot makes you unapproachable by the average guy for two reasons; intimidation and the fact that they just won't get a chance because the alphas will already be trying to put the moves on you.
Go find social hobbies to do where you can get to know people. Or maybe ask one of your friends to set you up with a guy you like or something.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 March 2013):
 IF clubbing and partying are the only venues at which you are looking for guys.... AND if the only guys you are encountering there are those who you describe... who seem to be at the ends of the spectrum of the traits you would like to find.... How about changing venues? ... and looking at a library? .... or a sports arena? ... or a theater? Make time with your women-friends... and socialize WITHOUT placing the burden of "finding a man" upon yourself.... and, as EWO noted, it's likely that you'll encounter Prince Charming when you least expect it....
Good luck...
P.S. I volunteer at my local library... and, honestly, the place is a hot-bed of attractive (and literate!) ladies!!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 March 2013):
 I think all you need is patience. It will happen when you least expect it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): Hi there you sound a nice person and im sure you will find someone really soon. If your very attractive and socially shy it can be mistaken for aloofness or arrogance im afraid. When I first met my first GF I thought she was thinking she was above me only to realize later on she was just shy and introvert. Its about striking the right ballance between being open and friendly in your body language and not being so open and too friendly that every cocky man in the room thinks your making yourself available to them.I do wonder if your giving out mixed signals to men, you said "And even when guys like that talk to me, I'm still nice, not like some pretty girls that use their looks as an excuse to be mean." please bear in mind that making it clear to someone that your not interested is not mean, its an acceptable part of social interaction if a guy your not keen on hits on you. If your attractive then obviously a lot of men will approach you, especially in bar and club environments, and most will be the cocky, in your face types (or drunk and therefore more willing to approach you) that yoru not wanting to be with. Being friendly with them will make them and the other similar men think they are "in with a chance" and the nice, introvert guys in the corner will be too scared to approach you thinking the arrogant cocky guys will be the one who gets to take you home/get your number/or whatever.I split with my first GF because she was no nice and kind that whenever another man chatted her up (while she was with me beside her in some cases) she would smile, chat and be "nice" rather than making it clear she was not available. That made me feel insecure.To be fair OP clubbing and bars, especially at weekends, tend to be a heady mix of testosterone and alcohol. If your looking for a nice quiet shy guy then you need to go somewhere different. internet dating is good but too many women make the mistake of wanting a Nice guy and genuine relationship and call themselves something like "sexysarah87" or "gorgeous-gloria" as a user name and it gives the wrong impression as does a "posed" user picture or one showing cleavage and a pout. As an attractive women you will allways have "forward" men trying it on and you have to learn a strategy for dealing with that. Nice guys are out their but maybe they want you to make the move?! There might well be a nice sweet guy out there saying "why do I never get approached by a nice girl?"
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