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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 27 years old and before now I have never loved anyone. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months and I love him but I can't bring myself to say it to him. I have agonised over this thought for a few weeks as I have been scared about his reaction. I know he feels a great deal for me. Of course it would be lovely if he reciprocates but part of me would rather he didn't say it back to me when I told him as I want him to say it off of his own back. Last night, it sort of came out that I wanted to tell him 'I love you' but that I couldn't say it - after a long ten minutes of him askng what I was thinking. When I told him, he nervously laughed and said 'er yeah let's stop that there then' and then changed the subject. I retracted from him like I have a tendancy to do when I am feeling hurt. We eventually discussed how I was feeling the fact that I had been deliberating over it and the reason I can't tell him is because I knew he would react the way he did. He apologised and we discussed it. He said that when I do actually say it he would want to be able to say it back. He told me I mean the world to him and that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him. I feel that we have a lot of love in our relationship but perhaps I am mistaken. I obviously don't want him to say it to me if he doesn't feel it but I feel so confused at the way we are together yet by what he says he doesn't actually love me. I feel so weak now I have opened myself up like this. I think I am frightened of opening up becuase I don't want to be hurt and now I feel weak that he knows something so big about me and I feel vulnerable. I told him that I don't want to get hurt and he said that I do mean the world to him and he would never hurt me. I trust him 100%. I just wish I had never opened up. In my head I wanted to refrain from saying anything as I knew he wasn't ready and I am now angry at myself. I know I am being stupid about this whole thing and have blown it all out of proportion - I feel like I am 12 and not 27! Not really a question was it...more of a helpless whinge about my life! Any ideas on what I shold do?!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, masejets  +, writes (7 October 2008):
My girlfriend says, "I love you" to me all the time.. its weird Ive been in 4 or 5 serious relationships and I was hurt pretty bad. Its funny, I care for my girlfriend a lot but for some reason I just cant say I love you to her.. really I think....maybe I dont love her.. I truly believe that if u love someone it will just expose itself without control.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): This doesnt mean he dont love you maybe he is just scared of how he is feeling for you and maybe he knows he feels alot but isnt sure what he is feeling is love or not and doesnt want to make love promises til he is sure..he wont be looking at you as if your weak just because you told him..the words *i love you* are big strong and very scary just be patient and take your time with him you dont know if he has been hurt by admitting his feelings before.
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female
reader, InAgOnY4yOu +, writes (21 October 2005):
You are not whinging but simply letting out your feelings about your love issue and asking for a hand up on your issue of what to do.
As you have hinted already to your partner that you love them,it is now over to them when they pick up the courage as you did, to say it back.
For some people it is easy to say i love you , but for people who are actually in love it can be hard.
I am not saying your partner is not in love with you as from you description of your relationship, it seems it is the opposite of that and that you do both care very much for one another.
Although your partner may feel he is not ready to actually say the words i love you, im sure with time he will finally pluck up the courage also and not 'shy' away from the idea of you both feeling so much love for one another.
I hope this helped atleast a little and that you and your partner are soon able to share your feelings more openly x
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