A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi this is more of a sex question but Im hoping someone can help.I have been single for many years, and my only sexual outlet has been through masturbation. I have of course become quite used to getting myself off and can get hard quite quickly and get off reasonably easily.Recently though I have been with a couple of women where embarrasingly, i have been very slow to become aroused. And once aroused, i am losing my erection during the act of intercourse. Also, if I have stayed hard for a while, it is practically impossible to have an orgasm through this methodMy suspicions are, that the problem is that I have become so used to getting myself erect and getting myself off (after approx 20 years), that I find that Intercourse is not providing enough stimulation (to what i am used to)- hence the loss of the erection.This is a little embarrassing as it has happened a few times now, and also not great for her either.The women have been quite hot by the way, and i have found them to be very attractive.Would anyone have any suggestions- Should I start taking viagra and would this help?Many thanks for your advice
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2012): This is an extremely helpful string also:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-keep-losing-my-erection-halfway-through-sex.html
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): And thanks Yos for the website www.yourbrainonporn.com - very interesting reading !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): Hi its OP here, thanks a lot everyone, you make some fantastic comments. I know, i need to leave it alone- I guess roughly once a day for 20 years is a lot i guess :D - Old habits die hard, especially such enjoyable ones! . Now that I'vee decided to put myself out there more and meet a few women again, i need to make a few 'adjustments' . We'll see how it goes and I may even update this in while if things change. I wish you all well :)
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 *** Stop watching porn *** That's my answer ;)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 April 2012):
 Yos is absolutely right, and that website is brilliant. You need a reboot, as in you have to deny the self-stimulation and retrain your brain to be stimulated by couple's sex, and to not only be able to respond to overstimulation by porn.
If you have a girlfriend, you might want to explain to her what is going on and enlist her help at your rebooting. There will be actual feelings of withdrawal from the frequent masturbation, and she can help you with that. When you're feeling like you can't sleep, she can help. If you're one of those shower strokers, she can go in with you to make sure you stick to the plan.
Eventually, when you regain the ability to last during sex and achieve satisfying orgasms on a regular basis, then supplementing with masturbation isn't a bad thing, as long as it doesn't become your primary stimulation again.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (19 April 2012):
Leave your friend alone for a day or two before your next date. and don't drink too much, that doesnt help. Now you have stage fright stress as well but you will overcome it. Otherwise a visit to a doc might be called for. A doctor friend of mine speaks highly of the response to Cailis or something like that.I don't need it yet but when I do I wont waste a second getting to the doc.
Talk to your woman, explain you havent had a partner for years and ask for her understanding. That might help reduce your stress. Also try and give her an orgasm first with fingers and oral. ... That will help. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 Stop watching pornography. That will definitely help normalise your sexual reactions.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 Masturbation has the same effect on some young studs. Don't worry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): Stop looking at porn and masturbating, my boyfriend did and can perform perfectly now :) he is more turned on by me than ever. This story was exactly like my boyfriend he found me attractive but needed help getting hard and staying hard.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 Viagra won't help much i think, this is as much in your mind as in your 'hands'.
The solution fortunately is very simple. It's also unfortunately very difficult: stop masturbating. After a time (this varies a great deal) you'll find things should perform as intended. Expect a few relapses along the way but don't beat yourself up over it and get back on the wagon.
This website has a lot of good information about how to 'reboot' your sexual responses: www.yourbrainonporn.com
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