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female
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anonymous
writes: My bf and I have been together off and on for a yr and 1/2 during grad school, and we've started talking about sleeping together. I know that probably sounds like a long time to wait, but it'll be the first time for both of us, and the relationship was sort of rocky for a while (mostly stress from other stuff coming out b/w us) and it didn't seem like a good idea to add more emotions to it.Things have been good with us for a couple of months, and I'm getting to the point where I don't worry about whether we're going to break up again -- even if we have an arguement and we're mad, breaking up over it doesn't seem like the logical thing (for a while it was).But now he really wants to sleep w/ me. He says he really loves me, and I do love him and would like for him to be my first ... honestly, I think I might marry him some day in a few yrs. But I also know he really hates still being a virgin (he's 25) and is real self-conscious about it, so he's just anxious to lose his virginity, period. And now every time he does anything nice, instead of just being happy that things are good with us now (for a while they weren't), I'm thinking, "Is he just doing this so I'll sleep with him?" I didn't use to doubt him like this ... now it's like I'm constantly suspicious of his intentions and always thinking maybe he's just manipulating me so he can go ahead and lose his virginity.I know these thoughts are ridiculous, but I don't know how to overcome them. I've talked to him about it a little bit, and he's been understanding and tried to explain that it's not just sex -- that he wants to sleep with me -- that, to be blunt, if all he wanted was sex, he could get it somewhere else a lot easier by just picking up a girl at a bar. But I know he's nervous about his first time, too, which is why he never did that before -- he wanted it to be a little special. I feel like there are limits to how much I can talk to him abt this, b/c at some point it's going to hurt his feelings, and I don't want to do that. How do I get over this? Are these thoughts normal??
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female
reader, Steffony +, writes (19 November 2006):
Hey chica it's perfectly normal to have these kind of suspicions because you never had this experiance befor. Your boyfriend seems to have his intensions good, but right now it is'n so much if it is what he wants. It's what you are contrable doing. Do you think you're ready to have sex with him. Is it to soon? It's so muchbeter if you have an open relationsip with him about this, because if you just do it cuz just because, than what's the point. Just make sure you love this guy and have sex protection of you do do it. Be aware of the risks!
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