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anonymous
writes: Please can someone tell me whats wrong with me?!?8 months ago I was dumped over the telephone by my b/f of 18 months. At the time I was devastated, believing he was 'the one'(obviously I realise now he wasn't!), but over time have realised it was for the best for a no. of reasons - 1) his mum refused to let me visit him at home for the last year of the relationship 2) he never made any effort to see me 3) his ex stalked him and me, phoning my mobile 40 times a night, leaving messages saying she was sleeping with him. As a result I couldn't trust him and constantly obsessed over what was and wasn't truth. Anyway, a few weeks ago I met a wonderful bloke who thinks the world of me and worships the ground I walk on. He is very kind, sensitive and thoughtful and told me he loved me at the weekend. He has made it very clear how strongly he feels about me and is thinking about 'us' in terms of the future - moving in together, kids etc. Both of us agree that neither of us has felt so comfortable with anyone before and can totally be ourselves with each other. He is totally the opposite to my ex and is everything I've always wanted, but the closer he wants to get the colder I'm being. I'm not a naturally affectionate person, but even I know I'm capable of more than I'm showing him. I find myself getting irrationally irritated for no apparent reason when he comes round my home, but can't seem to stop myself.I know I'm being a bitch and we have chatted about my behaviour and asked him to give me some time. He agreed because he says he wants to be with me so much. But what on earth is wrong with me? Am I just scared he may hurt me like my ex? He promises he won't, but I can't help but be cynical!
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reader, x-clare-x +, writes (5 April 2005):
HEY HOLD YOUR HORSES! The guy said he loves you after only a few weeks. Regardless of what feelings you may or may not have towards your ex its still too soon for someone to be telling you that and its certanly too soon to be talking kids! Love takes time and I am a firm believer that a lot of people mistake lust for love. This guy might be the sweetest person in the world but he might not be the right person for you. You have to take your time to find that out, it won't just happen overnight. You need to let him know that you want to spend your time getting to know him and not speaking about how much he 'loves' you. Maybe then you will feel more comfortable around him. When someone tells me that they are irritated by a guy coming round their home it worries me a little. I just think it must be very awkward for you when you are trying to work out your own feelings and you have to think about his also. You can't be with someone just because they might feel something for you. its a two way street. I don't think there is anything 'wrong' with you. I just think that you need to spend some time working out exactly what you want from this guy, if anything at all. You have obviously been hurt before and don't want it to happen again. The trick is to not let yourself fall into that place where everyone is jumping to conclusions about their feelings and how things will pan ut. Just take it as it come and if you do fall in love then so be it. I hope everything works out well for you
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