A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for several years and I am very much in love with him still. Although we have been going through some tough times, I've always known that I want to be with him. I am going through a really hard time right now because I met someone. My heart feels torn and broken. Other than my husband, I have never felt this type of connection with anyone. Problem is, I only know this guy's first name and the hotel he was staying at. I have not been able to get him off my mind and I replay that night over and over again wishing I would've exchanged contact info with him. I have been extremely sad but at the same time feeling very guilty. I'm making myself crazy and I don't know what to do. I realize that I will never see this other person again but he is the center of my thoughts. Is this normal? How do I get past this so that I can go back to just being happy with my husband? How do I stop thinking about the what if's? Please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): Although I have not been in this exact situation, I know exactly how yu feel because I am in a situation very similar. The thing is that you've been with your husband for several years, but you're kind of bored with your relationship with him. When you were first dating your husband or first married, I bet everything was romantic & passionate. You probably felt the same way with your husband, that your feeling with this guy now. But listen, the only reason you are feeling this way is because this guy is new. Even if you do find out who this guy is and you hook up with him, you'll only feel the passion for the beginning and eventually, you will become very comfortable with him to the point where all the lust and passion is gone. Similarily with your husband, I bet your relationship with him was very passionate in the beginning but as time passed by and the two of you got comfortable with eachother, the passion disappeared. But that's what true love is . . . even when the passion is gone, the love is still there. I could tell that you love your husband, and you know you belong with him. I could be like everyone else and tell you to forget about this guy, but I wouldn't be giving you very good advice. What you need to do is continue living your life. You could still think about this guy if you would like, but eventually the memory will fade away and become a blurr. It will take time for this to happen though, maybe 6 months to a year. Just don't go telling your husband anything or anyone else anything about this guy because it may cause problems with your relationship with your husband. I mean, you don't want to have your husband leave you so you could be with a guy you don't even know. So just keep it on the DL, and plus, the less you talk about it, the faster you'll forget about it. Sorry this was soo long, it's just that I know what you're going through and this is the advice I keep telling myself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): confused here, did you meet this man at the hotel for (sex/). you only knew his first name but nothing else? . why are you replaying the night you met him? why are you feeling so guilty? what exactly happened. did you see a good looking man, someone you have never met before, and liked what you saw, then i would say you are only human.
or am i way off by asking, did you just mmet a nman, has sex with him and have never seen him again. this is making you feel guilty. i hope it is the first suggestion and not my second scenario.
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A
male
reader, Matinkk  +, writes (12 August 2009):
Pray all you want, but god won't give you the turn on this guy is. It's just lust, it's healthy and normal and ok as long as you don't act, but keep reminding yourself it's just simple lust, there is nothing deep about it and if he had the same connection to you that you seem to think you have to him you can be pretty sure he would have made the first move and would be already in contact with you.......
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 Omigorsh, the what ifs. If I could turn back the hands of time I would re-do just one moment in my life; one pivotal point where I wish I could've slapped myself until I stopped thinking the way you do. Once you allow yourself to entertain these types of thoughts, and lusts, your feet will follow until utter destruction sets in. Fast forward a few years later, a few meaningless little affairs and you will see only a glimmer of the woman you used to be - the woman you should have remained. Don't fall for the decption of the mind when it comes to things like this.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (11 August 2009):
 You can get him off your mind. Just remember how happy you are with your husband. I mean this isn't fair to him, right? I don't like it when people say that they 'can't stop thinking about so and so', because they are just making an excuse so they don't have to stop thinking about someone. If you are already telling yourself you 'can't' stop thinking about this guy, then you never will stop. I mean there isn't enough to have a 'connection' anyway if all you know is his first name and where he is staying. I mean come on. How long have you been with your husband? He probably knows everything about you. And you both have invested so much time and energy in a relationship, and here you are doubting yourself over some guy who you don't even know his last name? Come on, girl! Get a hold of yourself. You're stronger than that. Don't let yourself fall into that wishy washy mindset where you "just can't control yourself". Honestly there is only one person that can control you, and that's...well, you. In every aspect.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): you need to pray and ask God to deliver your spirit. the evil want to broke your marriage that s all. pray with all your heart you will be deliver
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