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male
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anonymous
writes: I need some serious help! I am in college and have been with my girlfriend for 3 months now. She had a previous "relationship" about a year ago for 3 months (I use the quotes because she has never openly admitted to being in a relationship). Our relationship is amazing in every way, but for some reason I just cannot get over the fact that she was with this guy last year and they had a sexual relationsip (she did not lose her virginity to him, but it was her first sexual relationship). I know I'm being stupid for letting the past affect me, especially when it is something I have no say over, but I dont' know what to do. My girlfriend has been extremely supportive and patient with me, but I think it is more than just some insecurity on my part because I trust her completely.Some background info that may be important:-I lost my virginity to her.-I am a guy with above average looks while she is considered to be quite the hottie (lots of guys are into her; but mostly wanting just to hookup with her).-She used to party a lot and has had quite a few hookups (no intercourse but everything else).-We've been friends since freshman year and hang out with the same close group of friends.-I hate her ex because I think he was a jerk and I (all my friends included) don't understand what she saw in him. He was just using her and when he didn't see the relatioship going anywhere, didn't have the balls to end it.I don't know what is wrong with me, it has even gotten to the point that I sometimes have dreams where they are sleeping together or of her past hookups with other guys. It really aggravates me that this is bothering me, especially something that happened in the past when we weren't even together. I don't want to screw this relationship up because unlike the past, she has really opened up to me and can even comfortably admit to people I am her boyfriend (this is a big deal because she was never like that in her past "relationships"). Sorry for the long entry, but I have had this problem for at least 2 months and just can't seem to shake it. Please help!
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female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (30 December 2005):
 I'm not going to say you insecure but you do need to try and find out why you are acting the way you are!
I know how you feel because i'm going through the same thing! I Love my boyfriend and he says he loves me, but i get cross when he brings up his ex. She was his first love and thats the problem, it was his first love and i'm afraid that she will always have his heart. But to change my attitude, I tell myself that she will always have a special place in his heart but he has given his heart to me! That normally makes me feel better, not much better, but a bit better!
We both have questionalble pasts but don't try to forget the past try and make your future better thann it! So if her ex bought her white roses, buy her white and pink roses!
Ex's normally turn into jerks if the situation is not handled properly and at the time you may have thought him to be a jerk but she didn't! She saw something in him that not many people may have taken the time to notice!
Don't judge unless you know what you are judging and if you do have circumstantial evidence for your opinion!
Don't see her past as a set back see it as a past to better in the future!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2005): hey there,
i am in a similar situation as you. i am getting over the jealousy i have of my boyfriend's relationship with his ex. the difference is that it has been bothering me for 2 years. he has nothing to do with her..but it bothers me as much as your gf's past relationship bothers you.
i think that the best thing to do is just not mention it around her and that will help you to get over it yourslef. enjoy your relationship with your gf and remember that the things she did in the past while she wasn't with you have nothing to do with you or her feelings for you. if she would have known you at the same time as this ex-boyfriend, i am sure that she would have chosen you over him...afterall...she is with you now, right? i just think that you are a little insecure, just as i was about your girlfriend's past relationship. if she is showing you love and making you feel good..she is satisfied to be with you. if oyu keep bringing up her ex to her you will not get over it, and you may end up aggrivating her and eventually pushing her away. forget about the past and focus on what is happening right now! best of luck in your situation :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2005): sounds like your really insecure You need to enjoy her and your relationship with her. she's with you for a reason if she wanted to be with that guy or anyone else she wouldn't be wasting her time with you. I would let it go try to feel secure in your relationship. It's hard but your only having dreams because your thinking about it too much and it's waying on your mind. If she is being supportive your lucky some girls wouldn't deal with that you need to let it go. and be happy your with her and no one else. It could be worst she could have cheated on you and she didn't majon if she did God I feel bad for you Best of luck!
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