A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im still madly in love with my ex and cant seem to get over him at all no matter what i do hes always in my thoughts... we slept together on a few occasions i only slept with him because im still really in love with him and thinking he might be still in love with me.. about 3 weeks ago he was texting me wanting me to sleep with him i didnt though.cos it hurt too much cos im still very attracted to him ... a week later hes in a relationship which is a long distance one .. im sooo gutted i feel soo used and stupid it hurts soo much,, i txt him the other day telling him how hurt i am cos of what he has done and leting my emotions take control .. it wasnt the nicest message but it had to be said cos ive been so nice to him after everything he did .. he didnt reply 4 a few days but when he did it was at 1:00am he cracked it at me saying that im full of shit and that it hurt him with what i said to him.. so i txt him to say i wanted my shit back cos ive waited soo long 4 them back so i decided i had enough .. he told me to come over and get them so i did .. when i was there he was asking me why i said that he was an asshole and i told him he hurt me and shit.. any way he kept saying that hes in the relationship and that she is his future but he also said its not a serious relationship cos its long distance and stuff ..this was killing me inside him telling me this was absolute torture but i kept a cool head and just listened.. things started to get relly weird because he was saying that if he wasnt in the relationship he would sleep with me and he was saying that im very attactive and have a great body and all this shit .. i didnt know what to say so i just stood there cos it was sooo weird him saying that .. he was telling me how much he didnt want to dump me but he felt like he had to watch everything he said cos i was getting upset real easy ... ( i had a little bit of depression) but i always treated him right i gave him the world he told me i was the best gf he has had and that he was thinking of marrying me but then it went bad .. anyway it was getting late so i got my stuff and was goin to go home when i was walking out to my car he was putting his arm around me and stuff.(weird) then he grabbed me and started cuddling me and saying that if he wasnt in the relationship he would go me and asked me if i went inside would i do anything and im like hell no ur in a relationhip and i hate cheaters i wouldnt do that ever.... then he was like as if u wouldnt do anything and hes like u wouldnt be the 1 cheating i would be im like nOOOOOO then hes like ohh thats good cos i wouldnt anyway but i couldnt belive it at all i just didnt know wat to do i couldnt beive i was hearing this ... he put his arms around me and started to cuddle me again then he kisssed my forehead and said goodbye .. i was like wtf ... i dont know what he is doin or what hes playing at .. do u guys think hes over me fully and she is a rebound or is he playing with me more any sugestions will be appreciated
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): A professor once told me that for men, it all depends on the timing. However, I also believe the rule that some men will always remain boys.
He doesn't want a real relationship and is not willing to take your feelings seriously.
So, I'm going to give you a completely different approach. I want you to THINK rather than feel.
What I am going to recommend is to do a little bit of research.
This seems to be the classic case of the "Passion Paradox" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passion_Paradox). To sum it up, he has power over your emotions and therefore, has power over you.
I believe that people are responsible for their own actions and putting themselves in certain situations. Somehow, you have ended up in a situation where he has the ability to play you.
Only you can change this. I want you to think critically. So, ask yourself: What caused him to act this way? This is the basic law of cause and effect. Better yet, ask: how have I caused him to act this way?
For example, a baby whines. The mother gives the baby a lollipop to make the baby feel better. The baby whines again and receives a lollipop again. This occurs over a period of time. Now the baby only whines to receive the reward of a lollipop. The mother helps the crying behavior through providing the lollipop.
What is your prize for his behavior?
Remember, you have the power to change this situation.
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