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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: So I'm kind of in a mess. My ex and I were each others first love. He was everything to me, and for almost two years I thought we were happy. Until one day he just walked out, no explanation, and still no closure. He came back to me about four times and we tried to work through it, but I was so incredibly hurt and the trust and faith I had in him were gone. No one cheated or anything like that, he just started rethinking his life... We cut contact in the beginning of February and during this time he has contacted me once, but I did not respond despite wanting to.During this time Ive tried EVERYTHING to just move on. I went through about five months of therapy because the break up left me so shattered. Ive tried getting my life together, going out with friends, working, focusing on school. At the same time we broke up, one of my guy friends broke up with his first and long term girlfriend and he was crushed too. We were there for each other, got each other through the days. Over time he became one of my best friends. All our friends think there is more between us. Ive asked him what we are (he calls me every single night) and he insisted we were just friends. I just took his word for it. A couple of weeks ago, this guy asked me out. I told him my situation with my ex and he wants to work through it. I agreed to go out with him, partly because I liked him and partly because I want to move on so badly (he knows this). Everything was alright, but he started getting so attached and I felt absolutely nothing despite trying and trying. I wanted advice, so naturally I wanted my best friend and him to meet. For some reason, my best friend kept making excuses not to, even when we were outside his house waiting for him to just come out for five minutes and meet him. After every date, he wouldn't want to know any details of where me and my new bf went. He started to act really weird, and hated this new guy before he even met him.Last night I just broke down. I miss my ex so much, but I want to move on. No matter what I do I feel stuck. So I asked my current bf for a break. He was so sweet and willing to do whatever I needed to make me feel better. I feel like a horrible person. He wants nothing but to make me happy, and I know he cares about me so much. But I just cant get my heart to respond. I'm not sure if the problem lies with him or with me. I don't want to hurt him more than I already have. Did I do the right thing? And why is my best friend being so unsupportive? I told him he got his wish because me and the current bf are taking a break, and he said that his only wish is that I am happy. And as for my ex, how can I let him go when Ive tried everything and my heart still tells me he's the one?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for responding, and I apologize for writing back late as well. I just saw your response about a month later lol.
A lot has happened since I posted this question, but first to clarify a little. My ex and I were together for almost two years as well. He was my first boyfriend, and I was his first girlfriend. We were each other's everything. What you said about my heart not knowing how to cope sounds on point. I think even months later, Im still reeling from the loss. My heart doesn't know what to do.
The new guy I started dating, after some time apart, I realized was wrong for me. Things with him ended on good terms, we are friends in passing and there are no hard feelings. I do feel horrible though because he still has a lot of feelings for me and I feel nothing back. But looking back now I think I made the right call, it wouldn't have been fair to him if I was with him and wished I was with my ex.
As for my best friend...I haven't spoken to him in about a month. I spent the night at his apartment to study for an exam we both had the next morning. I feel asleep and woke up to him kissing me, he confessed he had feelings for me and couldn't stand not telling me anymore. I was half asleep and it all happened so fast, but he ended up on top of me. I told him to stop and tried pushing him off, but he didn't listen...
Long story short, i ended up walking home alone at 4 am in tears. I haven't spoken to him since. I can't believe I was so dumb, that I couldn't see that none of it meant anything to him.
I miss my ex so much, I still love him and my heart wont let go no matter what I do, but Im trying to just get by. But after everything, Im scared Im going to be this bitter old lady because Im started to not believe in love anymore. In any of it. Does it even exist, the real thing?
Im sorry for venting, thank you for responding if you see this. It means a lot to me that you took the time and that Im not alone in feeling like this (although I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy).
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): Hey, sorry if this reply is no good to you now (as you posted this on the 1st sept€) but i know how you feeling. me and my girl friend broke up, due to me having a break down and went into depression and she couldnt take it any more. I tried my best to get over her but my heart still lies with her and nothing i seem to do is working. How long where you two together? Me and my ex were together for nearly 2 years and she was my first girlfriend, and i think the reason its so hard to let go because it was the first time i ever had some one to care for and for some one to love, and because i've never experienced these emotions before my heart doesnt know how to cope. I think that is what your probably experiencing as well especially if he was your first. It is tough i know, i still believe she is the right one for me...but i stopped and thought to myself "does she feel the same way?". Try asking your self that, has he put any effort or given a reason for the break up? As for your current bf, I think you did do the right thing as at the moment you aren't in the right frame of mind, and things would get awkward as you are still hurting. to me he sounds like a genuine guy. If he is still keeping in touch and still wants to make things work once you are happy then i think you two would get on well :). You just need to try and accept what has happened and try and move on other wise you'll be living in th past with the "what if" and yoou might miss so many opportunities and will be mentaly scared :(.As for you friend, you may find that he does like you and is probably annoyed for not telling you and seeing you with some one else has led him to jealousy. Leave him be for time being and let him come to you, if he doesn't then oviously he has problems he needs to deal with.I hope this has helped, but again i know how you feel and sorry if its to late to give you this reply. Hope things have worked out for you :)
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