A
male
age
30-35,
*ockshredder
writes:Hi everyone. It is me again. I just keep asking for help. Don't I ;)Well the problem is the same. But with a new symptom now. It is the 6th month since she dumped me after a relation of 4 years for another guy in only 10 days after my departure from Pakistan to USA. She never for once after that, tried to talk to me. She never even asked me how I was doing in a new country and that I might be lonely.Well so much time has passed. 6 months almost. She is not leaving me alone. My dreams, my thoughts, my tears everything.....The new dilemma is that there are more white hair appearing in my head than ever before. A quite visible amount now. I don't masturbate more than twice a month cause I work out and build muscles. I eat all the great diets you can name. Drink lots of milk and juices. Have a job too and doing certifications in IT. I know you would advise me to make new friends too. I made some. I even tried to ask a girl out. I posted about her in this posthttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-ask-her-out-or-wait-and.htmlShe made me a joke in my workplace. She told every guy at my work that I tried to ask her out. This further added to my depression and my loneliness.It feels like there was always something less in me thats why I have always faced dumping. All I can do is cry and hearing songs that keep me reminded of those 4 years and the false love I was in.Help me. Thanks.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 I read your profile. You immigrated and she decided to stay, maybe because she is strictly religious and fear that living in the USA would "corrupt" her? Sometimes love is not enough to keep a relationship together if you don't see eye to eye. I bet she is hurting as well but she decided to move on. As you get older, relationships won't be like this because we are sure of what we what in life and we would not start a relationship with someone who won't agree with the living arrangements.
A
male
reader, rockshredder +, writes (18 July 2011):
rockshredder is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have immigrated. She was committed with me and I was going to marry her. She sent me with a promise to never leave me for anyone. And are you saying that if there are loveable people around you, you dump relationships? If that is the law of relationships, then I am really comfused.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (18 July 2011):
The reason why it's hard to get over it is because there is no closure (not saying you need one) and that you believed you were not loved. My understanding of this is that you broke up because a long distance love is not worth it for her. I assume you are here for college and that takes a few years. For some people it's out of sight out of mind. Also young people want to explore different kinds of people. It's not that she never loved you. She didn't want to deal with the possibility of an infidelity, she didn't want to miss you so much and get frustrated. It's not that you are not lovable. There are many people who are lovable who are closer to her. It would be a lie to say that these 4 years she didn't love you.
For some people like me, race is important when it comes to dating. It will sound like a very shallow thing to say when people say I won't date such and such race. The best someone could say is I am just not interested. This is why online dating helps you screen out your preferences.
Try not to look at the whole thing as who dumped who. What you mentioned here is two scenarios that didn't work out the way you liked. To say that you always face dumping is exaggeration and an attempt to just give up, to give away power to the external that you can't control. You can't control what other people say or think. Other people can't control you either. They can say whatever they want and if they don't like you they can kiss your ass.
You are eating well, exercising, and on your way to a great career path. You are doing better than most already, better than attached couples living an unhealthy lifestyle.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (18 July 2011):
It'll get better in time, if you accept that most things are temporal. Your ex did u a favor. Better to let someone go then to use them marry them and take 25+ years of their life away. You're young, working, and taking up IT, that's wonderful. It's u who are punishing u. Believe that u deserve better. Have confidence that its her lost n your gain and her departure from your life was only to make room for the real woman u are to be with. So take heart dear, it may seem awful but it has its benefits. As far as the coworker, its never a good idea to date them because remember you'll always have to face them. She wasn't worth your time either, she was way too childish. You want a woman not a young girl. And her discussing your interest in her to other coworkers was definitely childish. When thoughts of your ex comes up and memories with them just say to yourself she's not worth a place in my mind for the hurt she caused me and the best thing was for us to breakup. You haven't met enough ppl, and it takes wanting to heal to heal correctly. Thoughts of her will come, accept that these things happen and continue to work on u. Take care, stay well
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