A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy 3 years ago at a program and we became good friends. We both had a 'thing' for each other but both were committed to different people so didn't act on it. We lost in touch after the program ended until last year when I got back on social media and got in touch with old friends. We both were single at that time and started texting back and forth when he suggested meeting up if we both are in the same city. He also confessed he had a thing for me back in college and liked sitting next to me. We met and ended up making out. I thought there was a spark between us but he termed it as 'sexual tension' and that's it. Although he did say he feels like kissing me for some reason - just a long kiss and nothing dirty and also expressed his desire to take me out on a date once. But that was last year. It's been an year of flirting and a few meet-ups (made out twice, that's it) and he says he wants to hookup. Never expressed anything romantic or emotional. He is not into casual dating and I'll be his first hookup if we ever go at it. I'm also not into flings but he is an exception! I don't mind getting physical with him if I get a chance! For 1 year we have been texting but didn't meet or date anyone else. Now we are planning to meet up but I'm afraid I might end up getting attached to him. He said he is so happy being single and feels alive! The thing is, why can't I stop thinking about this guy? I haven't even spent that much time with him to 'fall for him', and my crushes don't last this long. I think about him all the time, I act so awkward on texts with him and I feel like I'm so drawn to him. I think about possibilities which will in turn hurt me . I don't understand what I feel for him. I just can't stop despite knowing there's no future cause he doesn't seem interested. I make efforts to see him, I do things I haven't done for anyone before even though he isn't my bf or something! Should I not meet him again? How to deal with this? I'm so stuck in him that I don't feel a thing for anyone else or even feel like going on dates. It's like I ended up liking someone after so long but on what grounds!!I'm scared if I tell him, it will end our friendship or make things awkward.It's consuming me, it's such a distraction and I think I need to sort this.Sorry for such a long post but I didn't want to miss out on anything to make the situation clear.Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I know exactly how you feel but I am older and wiser to see what is happening and I am going to do something about it now.
I will keep him as a friend. I will go out with him as a friend but I will not become intimate with him any more until I am sure he wants a full relationship. I will also date other people until I am in a relationship. do not waste time focusing on one man. The man i am referring to is my first love and I wasted many many years on him and he has reentered my life but still not ready to commit.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 December 2015):
 I would not hook up with him. I assume you mean have sex.
Just say NO... it will haunt you and hurt you and may end up on the "things I wish I had not done" list.
Telling him how you feel will clear the air and it can't get any worse for you than it already is.
You don't really have anything with him after all.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (28 December 2015):
You don't have much to lose if you tell him how you really feel. You're not scared to lose the friendship, because let's be honest here, what you have right now isn't friendship. You two have simply been dancing around the big elephant in the room for a long time. No, what you're really afraid of is rejection. With a crush this big rejection is always going to sting, no matter what. But what other options do you have?
If you say nothing and hook up with him, you're going to feel used. And gauging from your post, having sex with him is not going to evolve to a proper relationship. If you don't do anything, you might keep him 'as a friend' but you'll still be stuck with those butterflies doing barrel rolls in your belly. Eventually he might pull away to find a girl who will give him what he wants.
If you tell him that you can't settle for just sex, that you want a relationship, he may reject you, but you'll immediately know where you stand. It'll spare you a lot of confusion, effort and yes, pain. Because going for a guy who told you he just wants to hook up, in hopes he'll turn around is one of the worst things you can do to yourself.
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A
female
reader, worriedgirl2012 +, writes (27 December 2015):
I think he's stringing you along and that hooking up will hurt you emotionally. It sounds like you're already attached. I would distance yourself and try to meet someone new that is looking for a meaningful relationship. When someone tells you how they really are (happy being single) don't expect them to change and don't hurt yourself waiting around. Good luck!!
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