A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm quite a perfectionist, granted. I've had several girlfriends throughout my twenties so far but I can't seem to find the 'complete package'.My ex girlfriend was perfect in respect to the fact that we had an amazing physical connection from the start and sex after 4-5 years never got worse, only better!She was quite short tempered (could be quite horrible so times!) and never really had anything interesting to say, just talk about gossips, soaps etc. which I don't mind but I need a little more stimulation than that!Overall though she is a nice girl, just a person with a very dark past which has obviously affected her.My current girlfriend is REALLY kind and caring and very thoughtful unlike my ex, but the sex seriously isn't great. I have hinted in the most polite indirect way but to no avail...She is a lot older than me too and I find her a little boring and routine based sometimes..Is it possible to find someone who is reasonably good in bed and is intelligent? I feel like I've been trying all my life and i'm hitting thirty now!!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 Sure I'm great in bed, I'm smart, I'm funny and I'm kind. I'm also taken.
Have you considered NOT hinting to this woman that you need more in the sexual arena? Have you considered actually discussing it with her?
If you are in a relationship with someone and close enough to sleep with them you should be able to discuss your sex life with them. HINTING does NOT cut it.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 Have you only had two relationships? You said several, but you mentioned these two, why these two?
I would hold out for there being someone you match better with, and that you just haven't met her yet. I wouldn't say what you want makes you a perfectionist. Intelligent conversation and meeting at an intellectual level is important, same with getting along physically.
I also think that with time and experience you learn what it is you need out of a relationship. You get more specific, which I see as natural. I don't think you are expecting too much, really. You should be with someone who you feel great being with, not someone who bores you and who you stay with just for the sake of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): I wonder how your girlfriends see/saw you?
Perfections boring but perfect for you - yup you will find her, don't 'settle', don't 'look' just carry on being who you are.
If you can't improve the sex in this relationship then just be single... if your spoken for then your unavailable.
Never going to find miss right when your not free and that person is probably someplace close by wondering if she will ever find her mr right..
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 Yes there are. You will find a girl that is near to perfect one day, but not perfect. Don't look for perfection. One day, the girl of your dreams will come along.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 October 2011):
 "Is it possible to find someone who is reasonably good in bed and is intelligent?"
Yes, I had to wait until I was in my mid 30s. Hang in there. By the way, just like I tell the men posters on here, women are not mind readers. If you want something sexually you have to find a way to talk about it. She has no idea she's not fulfilling your fantasies and letting her believe she is, is kind of cruel, don't you think? I mean, if the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want to know that she wanted something simple that would make her extremely happy?
Wait, maybe there's something she's hiding from YOU. Time to communicate! If she's not trying to knock your socks off, then she's not happy herself. Maybe she's just waiting for the right time and place to tell you?
Be brave. Be kind. Take a risk, what do you have to lose?
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