A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay! This is going to sound so stupid but i'm facing 17 and I hate to admit it but I am clueless about how to attract boys and to flirt with them. I have had two un-sucessful relationships and the only way they came about was because we had been talking over the internet for a long time. I have been single for a good 5-6 monthhs now, i'm not interested in getting into another relationship yet but I need to know what on earth is going on? I have always and always will be a bit of a tomboy, I make an effort with myself but I am happy going out somedays with no makeup, I tend to always be the one making the jokes and when i'm with boys I tend to not show any trace of any feminimine side and end up being bro's with them. I can accept that and don't mind it, but I guess the problems occurs when I go out with out with my friends to gigs or whatever. I always dress up nice, have nice makeup on, do my hair nice the whole shabang. But for some reason none of it works, I have very low self esteem but I am not un-belivably un-attractive, I have very pale skin, lovely green eyes, I change my hair colour all the time, i'm not the skinniest, I am a size 12-14 (around 11 stone) which I am working on, at first I thought that was the problem until I realized that even bigger girls were getting attention so whats going on? When I go out to gigs with guys and social gatherings I really do show off my femimine side, all my friends do too, and seem to have the guys flocking around them but I just don't? I am afraid of rejection, I only ever attempted to talk to a guy once when I was at a gig and he just asked me who my fit blonde friend was....So now I don't know what i'm doing wrong? I rememeber when I got upset about it, and asked one of my friends why none of the guys were faintly interested in me and told her I beleived I was ugly. She replied with "Oh hun, your not but there's a method to it"...What is this method then? Can someone help identify what i'm doing wrong?
View related questions:
flirt, self esteem, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not at highschool -_- I'm at college!
And this isn't all so I can get a boyfriend, I said above that I don't want another relationship, infact like many of you said they are too much drama, I was just wondering why on earth it is that all my other friends seem to get attention from men and I just..well..don't?
Its not like i'm basing my whole life around it, friends, family and my education and well being are much more important than boys, i'm sensible and despite some of you disagreeing with me I am very mature for my age, sometimes I think a bit to mature.
And thats another thing I don't really understand, Wiseowle I get most of your points entirely, but how come if we are all little girls pretending to be women and men can see that and wish to stay away and keep out of jail (even though there isn't any laws for it once you are 16 in the UK) that all the other 16 year old friends I have seem to be getting chatted up on the daily?
So in retrospect it can't be my age if all the other girls can manage it, and I don't go for older guys, the eldest I have gone for was 18.
I know losing your virginity doesn't make you a women, I wasn't ready when I lost mine, I know i'm not a women, but i'm not a child either, i'm a teenager, also I don't disguise myself as a women by slapping on the makeup, I don't wear that much, I wear what i'm comfortable with and the reason I change my hair colour is because I want to, not to impress anyone else.
I do understand we are both cultarly different, and a lot of what you have said makes perfect sense, but I disagree entirely when you say that all of us are just little girls pretending to be women.
I mean in the UK we are brought up to mature fast, we are brought up to grow up faster than most, some of us don't get very long childhoods because of our family lives, the pressure on us or the places we live in, compared to when I watch american reality TV shows and I see 18 year olds being grounded by their moms and told they can't date until they get to atleast 20, it just makes me laugh, most kids in the UK are independent and unfortunately due to our culture we don't always listen to our parents as much as some of the American children out there.
Not to mention we have a high preganancy rate, not something I agree with, but I have friends who have had babies at the age of 14, and they are more a women than i'll ever meet.
And also that point someone brought up about everyone seeming more confident, yes that is the case unfortunately, I find it hard and I guess that it probably the problem.
But the only way I can improve my confidence is getting my old figure back and feeling comfortable in my own skin, but thankyou all for your feedback :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2013): I'm not sure how important it is for you to get notice by guys,but I'll be specific in answering your question.
How old are you? Between 16 to 17.
How to attract guys at that age?
1. Join any clubs at school.
Be good at it. Drama Club or Writing club or whatever.
2. Work on with your confidence.
If you always try hard to get noticed, tendency is everything you do seem so awkward for you.
Just do things for yourself. Don't think about what other people has to say.
3. Wear a light make up, dress nicely. visit some fashion blogs. Update your style. High school is all about looking like a doll and being smart.
4. Make a difference. You may create your own club that offers tutors to young kids and you may also invite others who might be interested doing it for a cause. Who knows a very cute guy will joined and help you.
Those are the things that i can suggest for you which is appropriate for your age.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (30 November 2013):
 You aren't doing anything wrong you are frickin' 17. Relax you have the rest of your life to be an adult, enjoy the last remaining years of your life where drama is expected.
...............................
A
female
reader, tendersmile  +, writes (29 November 2013):
 keep smiling and being happy n contented with yourself
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): In the UK, it truly astonishes me to read a 16 year-old school-girl referring to her status as "single." Apparently legal-age is considered much younger in British or European society. Chronologically by your age; you're still only a child. You're in the same stages of development as any other pubescent female any where in the world. You're just little girls pretending to be women.You are a girl still changing and undergoing puberty. You're physically growing, and your body is still changing and developing.Your brain is also undergoing psychological development. Transitioning from the mind of a little girl, to a teen. Then in a few more years; from a teen to a woman in her 20's. You're 16 going on 30. You're far too anxious about boys. You try too hard.Your youth and inexperience may be sending off signals you aren't aware of. You may try to behave all grown-up; and disguise your baby-face using makeup and hair-color. You're still only an innocent young school-girl under it all. Even if you've had sex. Somehow, losing your virginity is supposed to mean a girl is a woman these days. They're all just children, who have had sex before they're mentally mature enough. Or victims of pedophiles.Sometimes boys still just see a little girl underneath it. You may also be attracted to boys, or men, too old for you. Thinking you're too mature for boys closer to your own age.Shake it off. There's nothing wrong with you. You may be coming on too strong, or too direct, for some guys. Don't give up. Relax and just let nature take it's course.You're a young woman just in bloom, and it may take a little while longer for the boys to catch on. As for the success of the other girls, they'll face heartbreak sooner and more often than you will. Girls are far more mature than boys at 16. The average teen relationship lasts three weeks, or a semester of school. Broke up by summer vacation. Average reason, he cheated. The real reasons; he's too immature, and she's too clingy. I know you were only citing examples; but there is only so much success you get finding boyfriends or girlfriends at any age. Looks/weight aren't always the cause of rejection. Older ladies in their 20's share your woes. Let alone at the tender age of 16. At 16, boys are just discovering they're boys! Girls are a new kind of toy. They don't know how to be boyfriends. The older boys are just being extra careful. They are trying to stay out jail, by not messing around with some kid posing as a grownup for attention.You're going to grow into such a confident beauty. Inside and out. Then you'll get tired of guys always in your face. Give it time. You'll see what I'm talking about.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): You said you have very low self-esteem, I think that may be the key. People are attracted to confidence as much as anything. When you dress up nicely and show off your feminine side...are you comfortable like that? If it's not something you usually do, you may appear very uncomfortable, which isn't going to help matters. I bet those bigger girls you see getting attention are much more confident and outgoing.My suggestion is to work on boosting your self-esteem. Be more confident in yourself and that will attract boys. And that doesn't mean you have to change your physical appearance; if losing weight or wearing certain clothes help you feel better about yourself, great, but it has to come from the inside first. As for how to flirt with boys, have you tried asking your friends for help? I'm sure they will help.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): Why don't you ask her. She said it.
...............................
|
