A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can’t identify with my European parents and nationality. I have been living in the States for the last three decades but along my life I have encountered people from my nationality. I don’t mean to sound judgemental here but everyone from where I am from has the same traits and they have not been quality/ good people. My parents including all the ex friends I had all care about appearances and showing off. It’s a race to see when u get married - the amount of money you make - the kids you have etc . I’m not embarrassed by my culture but I can’t identify it and I only have met bad people from it. I sometimes don’t want to say I’m foreign because I just can’t relate to it but I can’t escape it . I don’t have an accent and I have an American sounding name but if I were to date someone that is non European they would find out obviously I wasn’t born hereAm I ashamed? Why am I so stuck? I see my European friends that they parade their nationality and I feel like their a cult I feel so weird and in-between like I don’t belong anywhere He anyone felt this way? I know that when I have said where I was born a bunch of co-workers had made racial slurs about my homeland (I have since left that firm)Any advice in finding peace in my identity would really help
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 December 2017):
 I don't know why, I am also guessing Eastern Europe. I would say, embrace the best parts of your culture and not identify with the bad ones. I live in Canada. It is a mosaic of all kinds of cultures. The ones I can't stand are those who try too hard to be Canadian. I also have a problem with those who cling onto their heritage so much that they can't blend in with the others.
I moved around quite a bit. I am little older than you. I lived one third of my life in Canada, one third in Hong Kong and one third in US. I kind of like it when people have to guess what I am. There are some complications with family relations, but I come to terms with it and accept my path.
It's unfortunate that you have to encounter racial discrimination at your work place. Please don't let that drag you down. That's about ignorant people trying to put others down, not about your culture.
As to appearances, showing off, and racing to the marriage altar, a lot of cultures have those. When you want to disassociate from people who don't inspire you, it shows you are a deep thinker and you care about the inside.
As much as there's xenophobia in all corners of the world, I can always find beautiful things to say in each culture. You shouldn't let your feelings about your relatives and how you were being treated at work affect how you view yourself. You can start by imagining that you are introducing yourself to others. You are (insert nationality), I have so and so values that are passed on to me from my parents. I like this particular cuisine that my parents cooked, etc. etc.
A
female
reader, holeymoley  +, writes (27 December 2017):
 Why identify as anything. Just be you and live life anyway you please.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (26 December 2017):
I have a friend who is a Filipina. She has the same issue that you have. She is prejudiced against her own people. She is a wonderful young lady and I like her a lot but none of us can understand why she feels the way she does.
I didn’t know what to say to her and I have no advice for you. Only to say I hope at some point you grow to understand that hating your past is a sad way to live.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2017): Nothing is sadder than being prejudiced against your own heritage and nationality! You can't change where you were born or your race! You've adopted the ugly attitude that too many hateful people in the US are projecting towards people from other cultures and races. It is deplorable! It is despicable!
I'll take a wild guess that you are from the Balkans, perhaps Romania! My dear, there are negative-stereotypes about every race and nationality that walks the planet! Half my heritage is of the indigenous Native American inhabitants of what is now the United States. My ancestors were commonly referred to as "savages." It was passed down through American history that this country was discovered??? My ancestors were already here and thriving in the millions when European ships arrived. Our customs, language, and traditions were not included in history books. I'm proud all the same! Over history, tribal nations were characterized as heathens, drunks, devils, and uncivilized. Although we were here first! A proud and beautiful people!
You can live in denial of who you are and hate your own kind because you believe the hype and negative-stereotypes ignorant people have chosen to brand your culture with; but you are who you are!
Your misguided shame in where you come from and who you were born to be; is something you'll just have to learn to live with. Whether you pretend you aren't a part of the nation you were born to; the truth says you still are!
The good thing about ignorance is, it can be changed by education and enlightenment. Stupidity is a curse! Nothing can correct it; because stupidity rejects the truth and it is resistant to fact!
Be proud of who you are. Don't let the stupidity of others force shame on where you were born; and embrace your nationality!
No matter how much you reject it, and feel ashamed of where you were born. You're still YOU! Geography doesn't change your genetic-makeup or natural-traits as a beautiful human being! Your gifts, talents, and human traits given to you by God was a blessing. God doesn't make mistakes! Human stupidity created shame, hatred, and cruelty towards those who are different! You're giving in to it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2017): It is all in your head. We tend to worry what others think about us but we tend to forget that almost everyone in this hectic world is immersed in his own problems and hardly have time to bother what X or Y have said or done unless it has direct bearing on their affairs. So it is extremely unfair to consider your race is inferior to others. Hold your head up and be proud who you are. There is nothing to prove that a certain race is good and another is bad.there are only individuals who are good or bad and to be honest that is also debatable.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 December 2017):
 How do you find peace with your heritage?
I'd say by accepting that you come from X country and that you have had NO say in your parentage or heritage. We don't get to choose where we are from. It's just a fact.
Just like you can't change the natural color of your skin, eyes or hair.
YOU are here on this Earth because of the people that came before you, your ancestors.
The notion that all (insert your nationality) are all the same is bogus - sorry. You might find some traits that are common among your nationality but the "It’s a race to see when u get married - the amount of money you make - the kids you have etc." I think that is rather general for MANY nationalities in honesty. Some are more relaxed about it, some are not. I think that is up to YOU to CHOOSE how you want to live YOUR life. NO ONE is forcing you to do as those people. Right?
Choose your own path. And remember when you DO have kids (if that happens) that YOU(and your partner) are the ones who will teach THEM the way forward.
I think EVERY generation get the feeling they don't quite fit in with everyone. I don't think that is just you. Especially if you want to not follow a "obvious" path.
I'm proud of my heritage. Some of my ancestors were pretty amazing folk. Some shouldn't have made it. I'm here today because of these seemingly random events.
I know many people who move to the US (and other countries) to escape their own culture, family and expectations (and more horrific things) - some to start over and others continue the path and ideology of their ancestors.
YOU get to choose. Whom you befriend, whom you marry (if you decide to marry), if you want children, what religious (if any) denomination you wish, political affiliation, etc. etc. YOU.
Be you. Accept your heritage but choose your OWN path.
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