A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my brother are so close and I'm starting to feel like he is my soulmate. Our parents were terrible and were often violent towards both of us and growing up we were close. Being the older one I tried to care for him and be a "parent" to him.I moved out when I was 18 and took him with me even though he was only 14 and we've lived together on our own since.He's 20 now and we're closer now than we've ever been before and its like he's my soulmate as he knows exactly what I'm thinking and if I'm upset he knows what to say to cheer me up and I just love being around him.I've had a few boyfriends, one for 14 months but they never came close to the connection that me and my brother have. He's never had a serious girlfriend and he always comes to me if he needs anything.I have no sexual feelings towards him although he is a good looking boy.(I got the brains he got the looks) but I really feel that he is my soulmate.
View related questions:
moved out, soulmate, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 You have a close bond with your brother. But you should not feel as if your brother stands in your way of finding a man for you. Are you religious? If so then know that your brother was sent to be by your side when you grew up, and you two helped each other. He has a role in your life that no boyfriend could ever have. And he needs to stay in that role for you, as a brother, to allow you to also have the man in your life that you should be with as a husband/wife. There are different types of relationships, one between a brother and a sister, and one between a woman and a man. Do not mix these two.
You have been lucky to have your brother so close. My brother and me are close too, we've lived together as well. He knows what Im thinking and feeling because he's known me for all his life. I could be thirsty and he would bring me water. I call him and he answer my question before I ask. Do I wish I found a boyfriend just like him? Not at all. My brother is an amazing brother. He would be far less an amazing boyfriend to me. My brother is perfect in the role he already has in my life, just like your brother is perfect in the role he has in your life. But there is also room for another man in your life, the man you will have a husband/wife relationship with.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 April 2010):
 I'm sure it is possible for him to be your soulmate, but just not in the relationship sense of the word. You clearly have been through a lot together and this has created a very special bond between you and that is totally fine, as long as you dont confuse it with romantic feelings towards him. Love that you have for a family member is very different to romantic love and it is perfectly normal to be able to have both in your life.
It seems that you have not met anyone special yet, and you are still young so you dont need to worry. One day you will meet someone you are very attracted to, and you will have a special connection with. The connection will be different to the one you have with your brother as nothing will ever compare to that due to what you have been through together - but it will be a new type of connection.
Your problem here may be that you are trying to find a connection with a man that is the same as the one with your brother, but you need to realise that it cannot happen - the connection you have with your brother is one of a kind and can never be replicated. Allow that connection to be special and sacred, and then stop trying to compare other men to your brother. Your brother brings certain aspects to your life, and you can find a man who will bring different things to your life, including sex, intimacy, physcial attraction, friendship.....and many other things.
As marieclaire said - the way you feel about your brother is fine but you need to realise it is not the same as a romantic relationship, it is more of an intense friendship - and you need to make sure it doesnt become obsessive or stop you from finding love. You both need a life outside of each other - yes you may love spending time with him but you still need other friends and other interests otherwise this could become unhealthy for both of you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): Yes, you can be soulmates, but remember, soulmates do not have to be romantic at all. You will likely meet more than one soulmate in a lifetime. I have met a few, 5 males and 3 females. That may seem a lot, but it's not considering the thousands of people we know. My daughter is one of those females, as is my mum. My daughter and I often share the same thoughts and say the same thing at the same time. My mum and I can show each other the same thing. For instance, my mum and I were in a bookstore one day. She was one end of the store and I was the other. We both got enthusiastic about a book we had picked up, and came to find the other person at the same time. It turned out that not only did we discover the same book, we also found the same page, and the same sentence to show each other. Spooky huh?
...............................
|
