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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm very uncomfortable around gay people. I'd hate to describe myself as Homophobic but maybe that would be accurate. I know the usual answer to something like this is: maybe youre secretly gay yourself. But I'm 100% sure I'm not secretly gay. I mean women do it for me big time, where as if I look at another man, nothing. I grew up in a very man's man kind of place where there were no gay people and the worst name anybody could call you was a queer, homo, fag or whatever. So I do understand that I have been conditioned to be prejudiced against gay people. But at the same time I worry as to why I can't turn this around and not be homophobic now that I'm older.I guess my questions are why, apart from the environment I grew up in, am I homophobic? Or is environment enough to shape a person?Also, can you undo a lifetime of conditioning, can I become un-homophobic and not get freaked out anytime a gay person comes near me?Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): you can overcome anything you want, You grew up in a straight environment, I doubt everyone was straight, everyone just acted straight. At the end of the day our parents, friends, peers tell us stuff then we grow up.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 You can undo a lifetime of conditioning when the problem affects your immediate family and you will begin to understand those problems better from another perspective.
Nature has a strange way of educating those who are anti this or anti that.
You have been fed with stereotype thinking's and bias and prejudiced views.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 The fact that you made this post suggests that you are motivated to overcome a lifetime of conditioning, so yes, you can get over your fears. Since being called an anti-gay slur was the worst thing anyone could say to you when you were growing up, are you afraid of the social stigma of being labeled gay? This conditioning didn't just make you prejudiced against gay people, it made your fear them. Look, if you know who you are and are comfortable in your sexuality, a gay man is no threat to you. He is not interested in you sexually, and his homosexuality is not contagious. There is no reason to be fearful.
You can overcome your homophobia through respect, empathy and interaction. Do some research on gay and lesbian issues and don't think of them as "other"; homosexuals have the same feelings, issues and concerns that you do.
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A
female
reader, Eva_shaw  +, writes (17 April 2010):
I for one need to offer you credit for acknowledging the problem and wishing to deal with it. Every negative trait in our personality can change but we have to be the ones to change it. The best way is to chat to a gay person and, as the poster before me also pointed out, you will soon discover that they do not have disgusting horns and bodies covered in scales but they are pretty much the same as you and me. People have the right to have their sex lives protected and discrimination speaks volumes for the quality (or lack thereof) of the culprit rather than the victim. But I guess you already know that :-) good job trying to be a better person!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 April 2010):
Yes you can get over this.
Basically you just have to face your fear.
Chat to a gay guy. They are absolutely no different from you except women do nothing for them.
Talk about sports or politics or what ever. Talk about your upbringing and get them to tell you about theirs.
Face your fear and then you'll figure out you really are being just as silly as people who are scared of buttons.
Good Luck!! xx
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